Monday, March 31, 2014

Confined to Bed and Books

I was in the bed all day Thursday and Friday because of pain. That in itself is very frustrating and draining, but I feel better today. I am having to sleep in what used to be my brother's room because my hips and legs have been bothering me. His bed is a little firmer than mine, so I've slept better. I was waking up about six times a night in my bed. I had gotten so used to it that I thought it was normal. My little nephew knows I should be in my room, so he's been saying, "Ou not be in my daddy's bed! Ou in your ur(your) bed!" while pointing his little finger at me. :) I gently remind him it's just for a little while.

I went to my surgeon on Monday, and he gave me a cortisone shot in my right foot to help with the pain. I was grateful for that! It has helped some. I am trying to post at least once a week because it helps me to write, and I like to look back on things.

I am working on the book about my life! I have been for about two months. Those of you who are longtime readers will know this has always been a dream and goal of mine. I am excited! There will be lots of things in there that I haven't mentioned on the blog. The book will be raw and real, for sure.

I've also read some great books recently, so I am planning to post about those soon!

Thursday, March 13, 2014

How I Handle Bad Days

Image Credit: In the Window © APatterson via
I wrote this one week and a day ago. This is my journal, so I will share it. I've had a battle the past few days also, but after talking to Mama, I slept in my brother's old bed, which is a little firmer. I feel great today! A good night's sleep does wonders for the body! A B-12 pill helps, too.

For the past few days, I’ve been depressed. I didn’t want to get on Facebook, write, or even get out of bed. I said, “There’s nothing on TV to watch while I’m sitting up, so what’s the point? Mama said something that has stuck with me. “The point is getting up."

You see, I had read another chapter in Norvel Hayes’ book, How to Live and Not Die that said if the enemy detects even a hint of weakness in your confession, he’s got you right where he wants you. Now I paraphrased that, but you get where I’m going. So, the devil had been bombarding me with thoughts and words before I went to sleep. It was so bad that I was crying so hard I could not say anything. I couldn’t have confessed anything if I had wanted to because I was so overcome with emotion I was shaking.  After it subsided, I did say a few uplifting confessions. The devil always comes at me with things I haven’t accomplished yet, mainly driving. It’s not that I CAN’T, it’s just that lots of circumstances have happened that have prevented me from doing that. But it’s always been on my to-do list. In the midst of crying/confessing what Jesus says, something else my mom has often told me came back, “It doesn’t matter about driving. God will always take care of you.”

After awhile, I drifted off to sleep. Still feeling down that morning, I decided to talk to Mama. “I’ve been depressed,” I said. I told her what I just told you, and she said, “You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.” She also said, “I just don’t listen to the devil when he tries to tell me those kinds of things.” I sat there quietly, lost in my own head. “Mhmm. I’ve been confessing that God is greater than the devil, but he just keeps coming stronger.” Mama said, “You say he keeps coming stronger. You don’t need to say that.” I said sharply, “What do you want me to do sit here and lie?!”

She thought for a minute and she said that’s when you need to keep praying in tongues until you get past it. In a few minutes, she returned from the bathroom holding a book. It was a book she’d recently finished called “Unthinkable.” It’s about a man who lost his legs when a tractor-trailer plowed into the back of the truck he was in. Still in somewhat of a daze, the book sat on the table next to me. Mama doesn’t highly recommend most books, so I was intrigued. Plus, I needed something to get me out of the funk I was in. I knew I had no reason to be depressed, knowing that there are SO many others dealing with things way worse than me. “You won’t be depressed after reading this,” Mama assured me. I picked it up yesterday and am already ready to start chapter five. This man has gone through hell, physically and emotionally, and it hasn’t even gotten good according to Mama.

After sitting up and reading, I went back to my room. I often have a song in my heart, so I will just start singing with all I have in the house, especially if no one else is home because I can be as loud as I want with no worries. So, I started singing, and soon got lost in praising my Father. He is SO indescribably good, people!  As I was pouring my heart out to Him, here is one thing that I said, “You could have made us perfect. But the fact that You CHOSE to save humanity in all of our brokenness means so much to me. My mom often tells the story of the baby doll head that she rescued from the dumpster. Yes, the dumpster. She has it up in the attic. It has a dirty face, no body, and scratches on it. I’ve never doubted that God could love me because if my Mama handpicked that unwanted doll, God handpicked me. He really did! He chose me from the foundation of the universe, forming me perfectly in my mother’s womb. He created me -and YOU- with a divine purpose an assignment that only I can do! That is just amazing to me! I am His beloved, and He accepts me! That gives me so much peace and assurance it’s hard to put it into words. He’s made me more than an overcomer by the Word of the Lamb and the word of my testimony. I am the head and not the tail! He doesn’t see me as I am right now. He sees me UP, out of the wheelchair, doing everything He’s called me to do. He’s already seen me healed, so I don’t have time to mediating on what the devil says. God has already defeated him, and he’s the father of all lies. So, I have encouraged myself in the Lord tonight, and I can’t tell you how much better I feel! I feel 1,000 times better than I did even this morning. God is so good! When I glorify Him, He comes into my room and strengthens me with all might and power! 

Tuesday, March 04, 2014

I trust You

Image Credit: Take my Hand © Jeremy Brown via

Originally written on March 27, 2010, but I never posted it.

The room was abuzz with the excitement and anticipation of what was to come. What crazy game would we play, but more importantly, what would we learn about ourselves.

The teens gathered around in a circle dying to hear what we would be doing. "The trust fall," Mrs. Stephanie said in a cheery voice. No one returned her heartfelt enthusiasm. (It was really more a of lean, no one fell. )

"Oh no. I can't do this with you, Madison," Chelsea said in a worrisome tone. I'm afraid I'll drop you." With all of the confidence I could muster, I said, "Don't worry. I trust you." Her eyes quickly dropped to the floor unable to push back those negative thoughts that were crowding her mind.

"Just put your feet up against mine," I reassured her with a look of pure unadulterated trust. "I'm not so sure about this," she blubbered." It's OK. Let's count to three. We'll do it together," I said.

I clasped my hand in hers fully knowing nothing would happen to me. God was right behind me(and so was a teacher). I leaned backwards while holding her hand. We got through the game and she heaved a sigh of relief. "That wasn't so bad," I joked. Nope, it wasn't.

Chelsea learned it's okay to trust herself. So many times we are waiting for something, anything to point us in the right direction, but we become so immersed in the moment that we miss a sliver of light that God has because we think we have things all planned out. Many times God has to reassure us that He knows exactly what He's doing. He wants us to forget about our negative self-image, stop blaming ourselves over petty things, and trust Him. Not in our abilities or knowledge. You'll be amazed at what can happen if you fall into God's grace.