Madison Sanders Writes

My body was there, but I retreated to a place of silence Trying to make myself invisible Trying to drown out the noise There it was A separation A chasm Close in body, but moving further and further away Spiritually, mentally Disconnected, wholly separate An unwelcome visitor wedged its way in Past the familiarities Forget the pleasantries It sit down heavily Like a boulder teetering on the edge of a mountain A mountain of pain Simmering just below the surface That superficial veneer threatened to crack with every breath Things weren't different They were just as messy as they have always been That's when I was thankful I was different than them

God, help me I feel so disconnected We may be back together and near other people, but I feel miles apart It's like starting over It is starting over Where do I fit? Does anyone want what I have to give? Does anyone see me? I feel like a blip on the water that is only there for a few seconds In and out Up and down Nothing changes People are callous and cold Only doing surface level chit chat I can't stand that I can't stand feeling like this is just another day Smiling but never really connecting Hugging but never breaking barriers I'm tired of those who are okay with status quo Go with the flow Don't disrupt how we do things God, help me to feel again Help me to see clearly Not with a haziness A cloud hanging over everything Every word Every action Even interactions Let me be a bridge Let me be a light Pointing the way for others Even if no one else cares Even if they don't care enough to do anything Even if they don&