Freewriting Day 23: Anyone, Anywhere?

I wrote this a few days ago on a notepad, and I think the order of a few pages got a little jumbled. I finally just decided to post it anyway.

Is there anybody anywhere willing to say, "I am unashamed? 

For this cause I live

For this cause I die?"

Is there anybody anywhere who will stand for the truth?

Is there anybody anywhere who is tired of the status quo?

Is there anybody willing to say, "I'll be different"? 

I know my life is not my own. I know someone has to make that choice.

Does anyone else know?

ANYONE?

Is there anyone willing to admit they have made mistakes?

Is there anyone willing to admit they have strayed from the straight and narrow path?

Is there anyone anywhere who will give up their position and title for the sake of a bigger purpose?

Is there anyone anywhere more concerned with where they stand with Him than the numbers in their bank account?

Is there anyone anywhere who cares?

Not spouting rhetoric or percentages 

Statistics or trends

Is there anyone anywhere who cares what the Father says?

We haven't bothered to ask Him because we don't really care

We'd rather fumble around in disbelief and remain ignorant than be made aware

Aware of all we haven't done

Of prayers we should have prayed

Of lives and families we could have impacted

If we hadn't looked the other way

We see our cold indifference staring us in the face

Hearts of stone replaced the heart of our youth

Before we became unwilling to change

Freewriting Day 22: In the Moment

Take in every moment. Soak up every second. Nothing is more beautiful than a child's heart. The innocence, the purity. It is soon lost.

I won't regret the time that I've spent

I won't take the back the words that's been said

The memories made, the love shared

Fills me up more than I dared to ask

A child's love is pure

It's untainted 

It's stronger than most things I've seen in life

It keeps giving no matter if you give back

It doesn't question

It is there

With open arms

With a longing to be shared

Between you 

Stop and listen if you dare

You don't need to be so busy

With the things of life

Emails can wait

Let the phone ring

Your child is there in front of you

But in the blink of an eye, that will change

One day you'll wonder where the time went

How did they go from a boy to man?

What were you doing?

Why didn't you see it?

Why couldn't you realize the precious thing you had?

Why didn't you make time?

Why did you ignore them?

Why did you give an endless stream of excuses?

None of that matters now

All the time wasted, all the memories that escaped

My children needed me

But I couldn't see what was in front of me

Freewriting Day 21: Why or Why Not?

Why do we dwell on the negative things?

Why do we hold it all in?

Each day is an opportunity to begin again

Why do we ponder the what ifs,

Letting the thoughts bounce around and take root in our head

Why do we allow worry to creep in,
Becoming a part of every conversation
I wonder if
I just don't know

Why can't we let go?
Why can't we trust?
Why can't we see through the fog that He is holding us?

He's never let us go
He's never let us fall
He won't start now

Why not smile?
Why not be happy?

Life is too short to be worried and full of fear
He said He's got you
Why can't you trust His plan for you?

Freewriting Day 20: An Honest Prayer

I don't want to just say words

I don't want to go through the motions

I don't wanna ask what would Jesus do

And not change

I am not satisfied

I need more

More of You to fill the empty places

Put me on the Potter's wheel

Mold me, make me

Shape me, break me

Until I'm more like You

More like You

I want to be like You in my thoughts

I want to be like You with my words

I need more 

Ordinary's not enough

Pull me in closer

Let Your fire consume me

Take away everything that's not of You

I need more grace

I need patience

I need wisdom

I'm through goin' 'round in circles

I'm through straddling the fence

I've decided this is the dividing line

I don't care what others think

I need more

I'm dying of thirst

I'm dying the way I am 

God, save me

Save me from myself

I know I've said that before

But it's a continual process

I don't know everything

And I never will

I've accepted that

I'm not goin' back

I'm all in

I've got nothin' to lose

And everything to gain

Lord, take me deeper than I've ever been before

I'm tired of this place

Tired of being stagnant

Tired of standing still

I know there's more

I'm all in

No more holding back

No more questioning

I need You more than anything

You gave Your best

Over and over You laid down everything

You didn't care about comfort

You didn't care about fame

You didn't seek out praise or the accolades of man

You gave Your life 

So the least I can do is give You mine

Freewriting Day 19: Tangled Web

Just a reminder. Freewriting is when you just write. There is no set way to do it. This DOES NOT mean that my writing is free to be taken by others. I want to make that clear.

Oh, what a tangled web we weave

That was a Shakespeare tragedy

Now it is your reality.

All of the lies and cover ups

Have buried you

Gone are the comforts you had grown accustomed to

Why did you push that boundary?

Why did you cross that line?

Did you really think "I can get by with it this time?"

What happened to you?

What kind of sick, twisted fantasy did you have?

So many questions left hanging in the air.

Do you even know yourself?

Maybe you stopped caring,

Maybe you felt alone.

I hope that cheap thrill was worth it because now you are caught.

You can't run away.

You can't escape the stares.

Worst of all, you can't escape yourself.

I know you are probably replaying every scene,

Wishing and hoping it's all a bad dream.

Sadly, truth is stranger than fiction
I wish this wasn't the end.
So final.

You fell hard
Nothing beneath to catch your fall

Time, time, time
The minutes tick by so slowly
You don't want to face the truth
You want to erase the pain
Please, someone banish the shame

Freewriting Day 18: Awaken Me

Awaken me so that I can see

Awaken my senses so that I can feel

I am tired of thinking what I've seen is real

Nothing is normal

Awaken me to the reality 

Open me so that I can be clean

I've been blind

I've been chained

Confined to what I think is right

Bound by my own shame

Reveal the real

Reveal my inward parts

Get to the root

Get to my heart

Is it still beating?

Is it full of life?

Sometimes I wonder if it's just pumping because that's its function

I want to live

I want to be free

Awaken me

Awaken me

Awaken me from my slumber

Shake me from my stupor

Show me who is real

Show me what's worth living for

Freewriting Day 17: Quiet the Voices

Quiet the voices that say you're not good enough

Quiet the voices that say you don't measure up

Stop entertaining those negative thoughts

The ones that say you've hit a brick wall

You can't go any farther

You're stuck here

Stop believing that

Pull yourself out of that bad head space

Look at all of the good things in your life

Yes, time marches on

Things change

You've changed

But realize that is not a bad thing

You are wiser

You are stronger now

You wouldn't want to go back in time even if you could

Because you wouldn't have the things you have now

You wouldn't have the people you have in your life now

Your heart wouldn't be as full

Despite what others say and what you believe, you have made things happen

You've turned your dreams into realities

You are making a difference

Freewriting Day 16: Slow Fade

I've been thinking about that song, Slow Fade by Casting Crowns for several days. You don't wake up one day and become blind to the things around you. You don't suddenly stop caring. It is a slow fade.

You cross boundaries you know you shouldn't cross. You turn away when you should help. Choices are made that blur the lines of right and wrong. Choices that forever alter your course. So don't think it's strange when chaos starts happening all around you. Don't think it's strange when your life starts falling apart. It is happening because of things you said and did.

The song says, "It's a slow fade when you give yourself away

It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade."

Little by little, you've compromised. Sacrificing truth for what is comfortable. Turning left when you should have turned right. Wake up! Look around. See what is happening. DO something about it. Change your ways before it's too late. Change before you fall into a pit that you can't escape. I don't want to see you fall that far from grace. Reach out. Let others help you. You have to want to help yourself. I can't make you see this harsh reality. Please, wake up. Wake up before it's too late.

I don't want evil to consume you. I don't want those bad thoughts to overtake you. I know the good that is in you. I want to bridge the gap that is in front of you. You don't see the divide. You don't see the chasm, the gaping hole waiting to swallow you. But I do. I see the trap. 

I pray you have eyes to see today. I pray the blinders fall off. I pray the confusion that has swirled in your head, the grip that has held you and stuck you will be no more. You don't have to settle for a slow fade. All that you hold dear DOESN'T have to fade away. You have a choice. You can make the change. I won't give up on you.

Freewriting Day 15: What If?

What if we lived like we were dying? What if we savored every moment instead of complaining about the small things? What if we were more grateful?

Someone I know recently passed away. Lovely things have been said about her. When I die, what will people say about me? What will I be remembered for?

So often, we get bogged down with life. Things people say and do weigh heavier on us than they should.

What if we made the choice to let go? I choose to let go of unrealistic expectations of myself and others. I choose to stop dwelling on things I can't change. I need to be more present in my life, not overanalyzing why people are the way they are.

What would you do differently if you knew tomorrow was your last day? Would you be more patient? Would you throw caution to the wind? Would you abandon your scheduled routine?

I think...no, I know the answer would be yes. Stop waiting for something to change. Stop waiting for the sun to come out. Life is meant to be lived NOW. You are alive. Some people say, "I wish I had the chance to say this. I wish I would have made time to do that." Don't live with regrets! What if you stopped wringing your hands and questioning things and started living? Just a thought.