Monday, November 17, 2014

Still Fighting

This was written several weeks ago, but everything rings truer with each passing day.

Journey to Myself © Peter Hostermann via

I am still fighting. At this stage in my recovery, it is all about bypassing how I feel and what I see. Since my foot responded so well to the surgery, I don't need physical therapy.

Dr. B said, "There is no need to have someone forcing it into positions when it is already there." That was a shock because I just assumed I would need physical therapy. It was a fantastic yet frightening feeling. Fantastic in the sense that we wouldn't have to do extra traveling, frightening because I had to get used to moving it again.

My foot was fixed, but I have to deal with the mental side. This time there would be no Dustin, no appointments. It seemed like I was being thrown into the water with no life preserve. On the way home, I told Mama, "Well, the only thing I know is to jump right in." I was tearful and emotional because there is no textbook that says do this on week one, week two, and week twelve.

"And they threw the rule book out when I was made," I said.

But, I don't get off easy! I am having to move around, sit up, and put weight on my feet. Yesterday, everything within me was screaming. I didn't sit up yesterday, but I did walk some to stretch out my sore muscles. Being sore is a common thing lately, but I am determined to not go back. My focus is straight ahead and nothing else.

I started out standing up for two minutes, and when that got too easy, I bumped it up to three. I am holding steady at three minutes. I had ambitious plans to do this every day, but that hasn't happened.

Between walking a few steps to the shower and back, that has sufficed. Most people don't understand what it is like for aches to set in after a shower. It seems like such a simple task after all.

As I said in a previous post, I had some cortisone shots put in my left foot at the beginning of the month. They have helped tremendously. 

(When I wrote this, this was my progress) I've sat up for an hour this morning, read part of a memoir, and have plans for a shower this afternoon. That means I will have sat up around two hours!


Throughout the past few days I have wondered, "When did I become such a wuss?" When did I allow the pain to seep into my thoughts? I have a choice. It is time to refocus. I will win this battle. And in the process, my mind changes. I see things clearly and pursue with a relentless tenacity. The greatest battle you will ever face isn't with others; it is with yourself.

So, today I say, "Madison, you are more than this. You are more than what you feel. Victory is already yours. Don't give up."

Comments are disabled for this post. If you want to post something encouraging in a message or on Facebook, that is fine. I am just being honest. Today is one of those days I have to encourage myself. 

Friday, November 07, 2014

Hart County High Gives Back to CHOA

My alma mater, Hart County High School, has gotten in on donating journals to CHOA! After an email to a teacher approval from the principal, the ball was rolling full speed ahead. I was just asking to see if any of the clubs wanted to donate, but some classes actually wanted to help. 

Mrs. Pratt's  freshman STEM class raised $140 in THREE DAYS!!! Do you know what this means?! I can buy five cases of journals in addition to what I already have! This is fantastic and yet another reason my small town is special! 

They made this jar. The whole group met my mom today, which was a surprise. I hated I missed it, but I wasn't feeling well. We had some pictures of the class, but mostly everyone wasn't looking. So, I am not going to post unflattering pictures. No worries, I will get my mom to take more on a different day!


Monday, October 27, 2014

Behind the Scenes

Curtain in front of lighted window © domiwo via

You put one foot in front of the other.
You dutifully do your work behind closed doors.
Pressing on, day after day.

No one sees behind the scenes.
No ones knows what's behind the smile.
You wonder if it's even worth it, should you try at all?

Your mind has drifted, feet are well past the tired stage.
The ache seems to seep from your pores

Can anyone see?

Does anyone care?

Anyone? Anywhere?

All at once behind the scenes, someone peels back the curtain
Daring to get a glimpse inside

Longing to know the person 
Let them know they see

Without so much as a word, only a smile
The room brightens

The weight lifted
Finally! Someone saw behind the scenes
Someone saw the real me

I am finally free

Free from thoughts
Free from fear
No more facade, I choose to be real

Because in front of me is someone willing to bear the burden with me
I slip my arm out from underneath the baggage
Knowing that I don't have to carry it

The light grows dim
That's my signal to go

And I take one last look
There in the corner are the boulders, piled high

I feel light
Strong as the wind

I let go
The pain didn't win

You may not know my story
You may not care

But today, I leave all the baggage behind the scenes
Choosing to embrace me

Branching out, breaking forth
No longer crushed 
Despite what you think

You are loved.

Saturday, October 25, 2014

The Climb

My mom has already written about our trip to the mountains on her blog, but I wanted to add my perspective of going up to Mount Mitchell.

Going up the paved road wasn't all that hard - for me. My mom pushed and we took breaks as the path got steeper. A kind lady offered to help us a little further up, and we accepted.

We made it to the top and took in the beautiful scenery. I wheeled around to look at the various signs that told which mountains were on which sides. Then, it was time to go.

Mama said, "Okay, don't panic." Looking down at the path, I did panic at first. My arms were getting sore from being so tense from having them at my side and pressing into my wheelchair cushion.

Mama said, "You are going to have to chill out." She was right. I had to stay calm. 

She was pushing, and I tried to do just that. I was wearing sunglasses, so I couldn't see the path that well. I blocked out almost everyone coming up. A few people stopped and said, "I hope you have power brakes on that thing!"

Mama's response was: "She does. Me." We kept going.

The ride was surprisingly smooth. I began to relax a little. The woman who helped us on the way up was helping us on the way down.

When we got to a more curvier part, Mama told me, "I want you to put the brakes on a little. Not so much that it scrubs, but just a little as a precaution." I did as she asked.

So neither of them got tired, mom and the other lady switched sides. A little time passed and mom asked the other lady, "Is your arm sore?"

"I'm good," she said. "I'm not really doing that much."

I didn't say anything, but I knew enough to know that if she wasn't doing much, Mama was.

At two points during our descent, I felt the wheelchair start to pick up speed. It veered ever so slightly from the steady path we were on. Earlier, when Mama had asked me to put the brakes on, she also wanted my hands lightly on the wheels. So, I felt the pull. The other lady helping was oblivious.

"You've just got to trust me," Mama said. Truer words had never been spoken. I knew if she stopped pulling back on the wheelchair, I would go tumbling down that path and would likely take out a few bodies on the way down.

Mama was guiding that wheelchair. Since my ride was so smooth, I knew she was pulling back HARD.

"Watch out for those rocks," the lady said. I saw those tiny pebbles wedged in the pathway.

Mama said, "I'm not worried about the rocks. I am more concerned about the sand." Sand?! I thought to myself. No one said anything about sand! I didn't even see any sand!

As I thought about this adventure,  it reminded me of my Heavenly Father. Many times we can't see what is in front of us. And if we do get a glimpse, we panic. All the while, He is bearing the load, making our journey easy and light. 

Psalms 55:22 says, "Give your burdens to the LORD, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall."

I don't know what you are going through today, but trust Him. Sit back and enjoy the journey. Don't be so uptight. God's got you! He is guiding you through the twists and turns of life with expert ease and grace. I didn't know how much my mom had done on the trip down the mountain until the end.