|Tightrope Walker © Kristin Smith via freeimages.com|
Friday, August 22, 2014
All of this may seem like nothing to most of you, but it is a major thing for me to be able to sit up again. I know when my muscles get sore and tight, so I have to do something about it. It hasn't been easy. In fact, some days my knees would just ache. At night, it seems like sometimes, everything from my hips down hurt. A lot. But, I know enough to know this won't last forever. This pain is just pain from the surgery. It's not like the constant pain I had from the muscles in my foot constantly pulling the wrong way. Every day, I have to keep reminding myself of that. Pain is a necessary part of growth and change.
I go back to the doctor in two weeks, and he will determine whether or not I am ready for physical therapy. It usually takes me longer to recover, so if I am not quite ready, I am okay with that.
In the meantime, I have set a goal for myself to sit up at least two hours a day. I started yesterday. To ease myself into it, I am going to do an hour in the morning, come back and lay down for a few hours, and then do an hour at night. I am doing this because the drive to physical therapy will be at least an hour there and back in addition to the actual therapy time. I am putting myself through the paces at home now, so the transition won't be such a shock to my body whenever I do start.
The picture I have chosen for this post perfectly encapsulates where I am at right now. Everything is a balance. I pull back when needed and gently push a little more as I can tolerate it. I am proud of myself for being able to go back to church this Wednesday. In total it was just a little over two hours, and I did it!
If you are feeling stuck in your life, relationship, marriage, job, or whatever, set a goal for yourself. That way, you are more focused on your progress than the uncomfortable feeling. You can overcome any situation! Tell yourself that. That's what I do. Little by little, you start to move out of that dark place to something better.
Monday, August 18, 2014
|Helping hands © John Evans via freeimages.com|
Written on August 5th
It's been almost three weeks post-op. I need to write. In some ways, I feel stronger. Since my one-week visit, Dr. Brosky said it was okay for me to put some weight on my right foot. I did that with his and my mom's help in the office, but at home, it wasn't so easy. I got up and put all of my weight on my left foot and then transferred it to my right as Dr. Brosky instructed. I had pivoted with ease with my walker many, many times so I thought it would be a piece of cake. Boy, was I wrong.
My right foot was moving, but my left foot would not move. I mean, it was as if it was glued to the floor. I was so frustrated. After a few seconds, I said to my mom, "I CAN'T do this!" I didn't like to admit that, but I didn't want to hurt my right foot. She moved the wheelchair back and I sat down in a heap, sobbing uncontrollably. I just wanted my independence back to be able to get out of the bed and go to my bedside commode when I wanted to.
Later that night, I told my mom, I felt like a complete failure. I thought my body would just go back to doing what it had done. I mean, my left foot has healed, and it could move. It just didn't.
I was heartbroken. Then, I remembered Dr. Brosky's words, "Take it easy. You are doing great!" I didn't feel like I was doing great, but it had been just a week. I am not a super hero. So, I had to go back to transferring using my arms and the wheelchair, putting some weight on my right foot.
I have been sore, but I am able to get up by myself now. I am just not using the walker again right now. I know it will come eventually. I admit that I am too hard on myself. Some days, I am frustrated at myself for not working on my book. The cast on my leg is a reminder that I just had surgery. Hello, Madison! It is okay to not work on anything right now. My days consist of sleeping when I can, sometimes for several hours in the day. Sometimes I watch TV. Other days, it gives me a headache.
Some days, I post on Facebook. Some days I don't. My days are spent doing whatever I am comfortable doing.
Even if I wanted to work on my book, I know now isn't a good time because sometimes I don't remember what I have said to my mom, thoughts aren't complete, and words are misspelled.
The days seem long, but I know I am blessed to be able to see the rain fall outside of my window, to hear my nephews laugh, to have a lift chair to sit in. Not everyone has those things. Not everyone has a supportive family. I do. Every day is a day of getting stronger, even if I can't feel it or see it.
Monday, August 11, 2014
My doctor asked for prayers the night before the surgery, and I said, "We always do." What I didn't know was just how bad my foot was. Today, he told us, "If the tendon had not released when I snapped it, you would have been looking at bone surgery. That means the bone wouldn't move, and your foot would be like a peg."
He continued, saying, "But someone was looking out for us up there." Yes, yes He was! I cannot tell you how overjoyed I am at today's news! Although I have a ways to go before I fully recover, this was just what I needed to hear. I expected a good report, but this was a GREAT report. Only God could have done this. Humans can only do so much. Humans only know so much. Then, God shows up and shows out!
Dr. Brosky also said, "I know you are going to walk, and I look forward to the day when you send me a video of you walking." Through tears, I said, "Me too." If you are going through a rough time full of uncertainties, hang in there! I have been through so many setbacks and struggles that only God has kept me. Only God has given me the strength and determination to keep pressing forward. Trust me when I say I have bad days and cry out of frustration and pain. I get frustrated that things aren't moving as fast as I'd like them to. Only God knows.
Before I end this note, I want to say something to Dr. Brosky. I know doctors are trained to leave their emotions at the door, but I just have to say this. After my most favorite doctor in the world retired in his 80s, after seeing me since I was eleven years old, and giving me the honor of being his last operation, I was heartbroken. I even told Mama, "I don't think I will ever find another doctor like Dr. Griffin." She said, "Don't worry. There are others like him."
After many bad ones, a period of no insurance, and doctors who weren't capable of handling all of my issues, I was referred to Dr. Thomas Brosky. I just didn't know what a blessing that would be.
Dr. Brosky, thank you for never backing down from a challenge. Thank you for your unwavering support. Thank you for seeing me as more than a chart number or paycheck. Thank you for your compassion. I thought that was long gone from the medical community, but you are one of the good ones. Thank you for believing in me and seeing me whole again. Instead of dreading appointments, a smile creeps across my face every time I have to come see you, even though you are an hour away.
Also, thank you to all of my faithful friends and family members near and far who pray for me. I am proof that prayer changes things!
Tuesday, August 05, 2014
Those of you who are friends with me on Facebook have already seen this. The blogging community is so vast, it made perfect sense to post it here. This article appeared in my hometown newspaper, The Hartwell Sun, on July 10th. It is a result of a letter to the editor I wrote about accessibility issues concerning our post office and other downtown areas. I am so proud to be raising awareness for something that is often not even thought about. This has been in the works for quite awhile, and it is a little overwhelming to see it in print! Even if you don't have mobility issues, you will be aware of areas that are not easy to get to when you get older.
I have done more research, but I am a bit limited since I am still recovering. Right now, I just have a list of improvements that need to be made with some other relevant information.
If you would like to read it, just click on the photo and then zoom in. I am posting this because I have readers from all over the world, which will help me in coming up with more ideas for helping my community. Please leave a comment with your ideas or email me. Your input is invaluable. My readers are so awesome, so I have no doubt that you will have some ideas. Aside from the things I already mentioned in the article, what would YOU do to make a town better for people in wheelchairs, parents with babies in strollers, or the elderly?
Ready, set, write!