I wrote this one week and a day ago. This is my journal, so I will share it. I've had a battle the past few days also, but after talking to Mama, I slept in my brother's old bed, which is a little firmer. I feel great today! A good night's sleep does wonders for the body! A B-12 pill helps, too.
For the past few days, I’ve been depressed. I didn’t want to
get on Facebook, write, or even get out of bed. I said, “There’s nothing on TV
to watch while I’m sitting up, so what’s the point? Mama said something that
has stuck with me. “The point is getting up.
You see, I had read another chapter in Norvel Hayes’ book, How
to Live and Not Die that said if the enemy detects even a hint of weakness
in your confession, he’s got you right where he wants you. Now I paraphrased
that, but you get where I’m going. So, the devil had been bombarding me with
thoughts and words before I went to sleep. It was so bad that I was crying so
hard I could not say anything. I couldn’t have confessed anything if I had
wanted to because I was so overcome with emotion I was shaking. After it subsided, I did say a few uplifting
confessions. The devil always comes at me with things I haven’t accomplished
yet, mainly driving. It’s not that I CAN’T, it’s just that lots of
circumstances have happened that have prevented me from doing that. But it’s
always been on my to-do list. In the midst of crying/confessing what Jesus
says, something else my mom has often told me came back, “It doesn’t matter
about driving. God will always take care of you.”
After awhile, I drifted off to sleep. Still feeling down
that morning, I decided to talk to Mama. “I’ve been depressed,” I said. I told
her what I just told you, and she said, “You can do all things through Christ
who strengthens you.” She also said, “I just don’t listen to the devil when he tries
to tell me those kinds of things.” I sat there quietly, lost in my own head.
“Mhmm. I’ve been confessing that God is greater than the devil, but he just
keeps coming stronger.” Mama said, “You say he keeps coming stronger. You don’t
need to say that.” I said sharply, “What do you want me to do sit here and
She thought for a minute and she said that’s when you need
to keep praying in tongues until you get past it. In a few minutes, she
returned from the bathroom holding a book. It was a book she’d recently
finished called “Unthinkable.” It’s about a man who lost his legs when a tractor-trailer
plowed into the back of the truck he was in. Still in somewhat of a daze, the
book sat on the table next to me. Mama doesn’t highly recommend most books, so
I was intrigued. Plus, I needed something to get me out of the funk I was in. I
knew I had no reason to be depressed, knowing that there are SO many others dealing
with things way worse than me. “You won’t be depressed after reading this,”
Mama assured me. I picked it up yesterday and am already ready to start chapter
five. This man has gone through hell, physically and emotionally, and it hasn’t
even gotten good according to Mama.
After sitting up and reading, I went back to my room. I
often have a song in my heart, so I will just start singing with all I have in
the house, especially if no one else is home because I can be as loud as I want
with no worries. So, I started singing, and soon got lost in praising my
Father. He is SO indescribably good, people! As I was pouring my heart out to Him, here is
one thing that I said, “You could have made us perfect. But the fact that You
CHOSE to save humanity in all of our brokenness means so much to me. My mom
often tells the story of the baby doll head that she rescued from the dumpster.
Yes, the dumpster. She has it up in the attic. It has a dirty face, no body,
and scratches on it. I’ve never doubted that God could love me because if my
Mama handpicked that unwanted doll, God handpicked me. He really did! He chose
me from the foundation of the universe, forming me perfectly in my mother’s
womb. He created me -and YOU- with a divine purpose an assignment that only I
can do! That is just amazing to me! I am His beloved, and He accepts me! That
gives me so much peace and assurance it’s hard to put it into words. He’s made
me more than an overcomer by the Word of the Lamb and the word of my testimony.
I am the head and not the tail! He doesn’t see me as I am right now. He sees me
UP, out of the wheelchair, doing everything He’s called me to do. He’s already
seen me healed, so I don’t have time to mediating on what the devil says. God
has already defeated him, and he’s the father of all lies. So, I have
encouraged myself in the Lord tonight, and I can’t tell you how much better I
feel! I feel 1,000 times better than I did even this morning. God is so good!
When I glorify Him, He comes into my room and strengthens me with all might and
I'm a premature twin who was given no hope from a medical standpoint. 24 years later I'm living a fulfilling life despite having cerebral palsy. Read along as I share my joys, trials, and everything in between as I make my mark on the world.