The Longest Goodbye

This is what I said it felt like when describing what we have gone through with my grandmother. For four years, we've watched her slip away. First, it was crippling anxiety and panic attacks. Second, it was her losing the ability to drive. Third was bedsores that became open wounds. Next, it was her getting up out of bed and falling and breaking a few vertebrae in her back. After that, it was her becoming bedridden. Now, it's hard for her to communicate clearly. She also has some trouble swallowing.

We've felt all of the emotions of grief. When my Papa finally decided to let Hospice come in and help, the nurses thought several times she was going to pass away in a matter of days. All of the family came in to say goodbye.

She didn't pass away like they thought she would. She's been on Hospice for almost nine months. I miss my Granny coming to visit me. Even though we live within walking distance, I still miss her coming to check on me. Now, the tables have turned and I get on my electric scooter to go check on her and my Papa.

I miss her smile. This sickness has taken away her ability to smile. I miss her being healthy. She always said she wanted to lose some weight, but she never wanted it to go like this.

I miss her funny jokes. One time she wore some black glasses with a big fake nose. I kept them because they remind me of her.

I miss seeing her work in the garden. Every year, my Papa plants tomatoes, sweet potatoes, okra green beans, and corn. Granny would always help him pick the food and then spend all day in the kitchen canning it so they could have fresh vegetables for winter. She made the BEST green beans and corn! Now, my Papa still does a garden, it's just smaller.

When my Memaw died, it was a shock. I felt like I didn't get to say all the things I wanted to. She was ripped from our lives due to COVID. No one was prepared for her death because she was healthy. It was a short goodbye, and I am still grieving her loss.

With my Granny, I've gotten more time. I said when she got sick, "I wish I had come down here more when the kids were little and she cooked all kinds of surprises for them." So, since I have the gift of time, I make time to go down there once every few weeks, even when I am in excruciating back pain because I don't want to have any regrets. I don't remember if I told my Memaw I loved her before she passed, so I made sure to tell my Granny.

I wish I could hug her, but clasping her hands will have to do because I can't reach over the bed while I'm in my scooter without falling over. The main concern I have is not hurting my Granny. She's so fragile now. 

This morning, my Granny met Jesus. I will love her forever.

An Empty Celebration

Today is my niece's 7th birthday, and we didn't get to celebrate with her today. My mom made a cake just in case she came.

From the time I woke up, I was confronted with the reality that she wasn't there. The empty house that was so still the silence was deafening.

When we finally did decide to get out of the house, there was a little girl at the restaurant with us who was celebrating her birthday. She had a cute little pink headband that proudly showed everyone she was the birthday girl.

I had to choke back tears at the table as I remembered we SHOULD have been celebrating my niece. As the little girls laughed and smiled, I couldn't help but see my precious niece's face. I hurt in a way I didn't think I could today.

Then something else happened that was another slap in the face. I said, "God, you see this! I know you say forgive seventy times seven, but I don't know how much more I can take."

Something Special

My two oldest nephews spent the night with us the other night. I woke up and said to Mama "Do you want to do something with the boys today?" She said, "Yeah, but let's wait till it stops raining."

Our first idea was to take them to a flea market Mama and I had visited that had some old metal trucks we knew the boys would love.

After checking the weather, it showed rain all in that area. Wheelchairs and wet gravel don't mix. So, plans changed.

Mama remembered one of her clients telling her about taking kids to Greenville to jump for $8 each, but she couldn't remember the name.

The client never answered her phone or texts, so I Googled it to see what came up. Finding a few places that were a little more than we wanted to spend, I suggested a nearby mall. I thought they had a place for kids to jump and Mama thought they had an arcade.

Off we went!

When we got to the mall, we saw one big jumping thing straps you in, but my middle nephew said, "I don't like that!"

The place that Mama thought was an arcade is now a barber shop. Such a bummer!

We let both boys ride a small ride inside the mall, but I told Mama, "This is not what I had in mind."

What do you want to do, Madison?
I don't know, but this is not special! (Since it was the end of their Spring Break, I wanted to do something special with them.)

We finally found out the name of the jumping place in Greenville, but we thought it might be a little too far to travel with my middle nephew, Bryson, since he is younger.

Mama said, "What about that place you found earlier?"

"That will be good if I can get the address to pull up."

On the way to the mall, I found the KidVenture Playground. It had a castle, ropes, swinging bridges...it looked like something the boys would love AND we wouldn't have to drive far!

The phone nor the GPS would pull up the address. I found a different address and tried that. Still nothing.

"I don't know. I can't find it."

"Well, most places have a phone number," Mama said. She called and left a message.
"They may not be there."
"They are open 24 hours a day. I looked it up," I said, my agitation ever-increasing.

Mama said, "You need to calm down."

Mama was looking too. She said, "We may need to go to Gravatopia since I can't find this place."

In the midst of my frustration, she said, "I probably need to get the boys something to eat.
I said, "Yeah, while you're there ask somebody about the playground. They'll know. It's a huge place."

Just like a kid, Mason said, "Let's look for a huge place!"

Sure enough, Mama asked a lady leaving Chic-Fil-A if she was familiar with KidVenture.

She said, "Yeah, it's on this road. Go down here and turn."

I smiled.

It was taking a little longer than normal to get the food due to the number of people, and I thought maybe I need to be away from the boys so I can regroup.

By the time they came back I was good.

Turns out the directions on the phone were right. The road was a parkway instead of a circle. No wonder the GPS couldn't find it!

"Here it is! I see it!" Mama said.

I saw it too. It was huge. We even saw ducks walk right beside us. Black and white ones and some with a red beak. We told the boys we would take our food and have a picnic. Mason drank some of his milk shake, but Bryson was off in a flash, racing up the castles. As Mama was getting the food out, she said, "Where's Bryson?"

He said, "Up here!"

Mason ran to play with him. Mama had to check it out to, so I watched them play while I ate.

They climbed the rock wall, swung from metal rings, and making as much noise as possible.

They had so many slides!

Then, we went down to the lake and got to see two tiny baby ducks waddling behind their mama. Mason said those were his favorite. The ducks even ate out of Mama's hand.

I realized we DID have a special day. It didn't have to be some elaborate trip with lots of things to do. The boys just liked being there with us. They didn't really care what we were doing as long as we were together.

I am writing this as a reminder to myself to slow down and enjoy the moments. Stop fussing over every detail. It doesn't have to be perfect. Kids just want quality time with you - away from the phones and distractions. 

We didn't spend a lot of money, but we made priceless memories.

My 500 Words: A Writing Challenge - Day 27

Today's writing prompt is to write about work. Work meant something very different to the older generation. To them, work meant getting up early and working a job that usually required hard physical labor. They worked on the farm taking care of animals before the sun came up each morning. They tilled the garden months in advance to prepare the soil for the seeds. 

The women worked, too. They took care of the home and the children, which was a full-time job that demanded their attention at all times. Women also picked the vegetables in the garden and prepared them for canning. That is hard work! 

When I was a little girl, I'd help my Granny silk corn from the garden. That meant I would have to take a brush and go over and over the corn until all the fine "hair" was gone. The "hair" was thin yellow strands that you definitely didn't want to eat. Then, Granny would cut all the kernels off the ear of corn. We'd do that over and over until every ear of corn was done.

I also remember standing over a simmering pot of tomatoes that were cooking over the burner Granny and Papa had set up outside. The fresh tomatoes they'd picked that morning were now being cooked down so Granny could can them later.

It was usually hot and humid when we did this, so as I watched the tomatoes bubble up in the pot, my face would bead with sweat. It was made worse by the heat emanating from underneath the pot. I knew it'd be worth it, though when I wanted some homemade tomato soup in the winter.

The generation of young people today weren't brought up in the same manner. Things have been a lot easier for us. We have the conveniece of technology meaning everything is at our finger tips. We don't know what it means to be patient because all companies are striving to make everything faster and better. Many of us don't know the value of hard work because we haven't had to struggle.

If there is one thing my grandparents have taught me it is that anything worth having comes by work. If you don't work and apply yourself, you will never succeed. In a day where everyone is taking shortcuts, I choose to be different. I choose to take a little extra time and give a little more effort than is required.

Why do I do this? I do it because I know the value of work. Work isn't just something you do to get a paycheck. Work is necessary in all aspects of life, in the home and on the job. If you don't work to maintain something, it will eventually fall apart. May we all remember the saying, "A little hard work never hurt anyone."

Freewriting Day 22: In the Moment

Take in every moment. Soak up every second. Nothing is more beautiful than a child's heart. The innocence, the purity. It is soon lost.

I won't regret the time that I've spent

I won't take the back the words that's been said

The memories made, the love shared

Fills me up more than I dared to ask

A child's love is pure

It's untainted 

It's stronger than most things I've seen in life

It keeps giving no matter if you give back

It doesn't question

It is there

With open arms

With a longing to be shared

Between you 

Stop and listen if you dare

You don't need to be so busy

With the things of life

Emails can wait

Let the phone ring

Your child is there in front of you

But in the blink of an eye, that will change

One day you'll wonder where the time went

How did they go from a boy to man?

What were you doing?

Why didn't you see it?

Why couldn't you realize the precious thing you had?

Why didn't you make time?

Why did you ignore them?

Why did you give an endless stream of excuses?

None of that matters now

All the time wasted, all the memories that escaped

My children needed me

But I couldn't see what was in front of me

Freewriting Day 9: Coming Home

To the ones who are dirty. Those who think they are out of reach of grace. They don't even try to hide what they have done. What's the use? It echoes in their mind, over and over. I am wretched. I don't deserve anything but pain.

Beat me. Whip me. Spit in my face. I deserve it. I won't turn away. Nothing you could do to me could be worse than the pain I carry every day.

You might see me in public and flinch. I don't want to be near him. I can't stand the sight of him. Is he human or just a pile of trash?

I am here. I am breathing. But I feel invisible. Scratch that. I wish I was invisible. I no longer feel my heart beating. It is just a faint thud. The pain of this life has consumed me.

I want to be rid of this weight. I am tired of living this way. It's the same routine day in and day out. I put on layers and layers hoping I can live. I am miserable this way.

I want to shed the guilt. I am tired of the shame. I want to let the healing balm touch me, but I am scared.

I have sat at this place long enough. I want to be free. I know it starts with the first step. I've made up my mind. I am going back to Father's House.

Nothing could have prepared me for the joy that flooded my soul. In my filthy rags, I felt unworthy. But from that first glance as I dared to look up, it was evident that I never stopped being His son.

No longer trudging forward in fear, I ran forward at a breakneck speed. I had a date with my destiny!

I was home. I am free. What are you waiting for? I know I am not the only one who has gone astray.

Love washed over me in ways that I never expected. No words were needed, but through the tears, Father whispered, "I've been waiting."

Freewriting Day 6: When We Were Young

I didn't really have anything to write about today, so I pulled from inspiration from things that I've seen and read today.

When we were young, things seemed limitless. The world seemed so big. I thought I could do anything. If I fell, I got back up. 

When we were young, our imagination soared. We were princesses, pirates, in charge of castles and forts. Best friends one day and hated each other the next.

When we were young, time seemed to creep by. I couldn't wait to graduate middle school. Then, I couldn't wait to graduate high school.

When we were young, we had no real problems. Everything was peachy. We laughed and played outside when Mama called us in at dusk.

When we were young, we didn't have computers and iPhones. We caught fireflies or also known as lighting bugs. We ran until we were breathless. We planned our weekends around friends' birthdays and riding four-wheelers.

When we were young, we didn't think about money. If we needed food, we had it. If we needed clothes, we didn't have to look any further than our closet.

When we were young, things were good. Popsicles and fort building and watching Kid's Sing A Long movies were the norm. 

When we were young, we were adventurers. Falling down in the red Georgia clay and then watching the bath water turn red as we washed.

When we were young, we experienced love in its purest form. We didn't get every toy we cried for in Wal-Mart, and I am glad. What we did have was people who loved us. They gave of their time. They sacrificed so that our needs were met. 

When Mama tucked us in every night, I felt secure. Not every child knows what that feels like. I wish they did. I am grateful for everything thing I learned when I was younger because I have a solid foundation as an adult. Thank your parents or caregivers today.

Things are Hard

Struggle © Michael Kaufmann via freeimages.com

Where has my motivation gone?

I feel a heaviness. It comes and goes. I'm not thinking negative thoughts now. I think I'm having a hard time just being. I like to do things. I like to know that I am accomplishing something. Lately, even though I am doing things, it feels as if I am slogging through mud.

This season of life is different. I need to be content. Things are just hard. It's hard because I can't seem to get my thoughts down on paper. The words are there, but instead of them freely flowing, it's like they are suspended.

I feel fatigued. Little things that shouldn't be bothering me are bothering me. I'll have a pretty good morning and feel drained in the afternoon.

My youngest nephew, Bryson, wanted me to come with him on the bridge when the boys were playing outside. I couldn't come because I was sitting in the golf cart. I didn't have my wheelchair. It hurt, but it is also motivation. I am going to be able to walk again without any assistance. Everything that I am doing now, every little exercise, every extra step, is making me stronger.

I know that God hasn't brought me this far to leave me. Every day isn't easy. This is just where I have been lately. Maybe it will help someone else to know that. I haven't written anything because I haven't been able to. As Mandisa says in her song, Stronger, 

"The pain ain't gonna last forever

And things can only get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger."

Blue Jeans and Rain Boots

Boots © Jean Scheijen via freeimages.com

My oldest nephew has been wearing some insulated boots everywhere after school. They were only meant to be worn when it's really cold. It's spring time and he insisted on wearing his boots. So, we bought him another pair of rain boots so he wouldn't be so hot.

"Do you like wearing your rain boots because Daddy wears boots?" I asked.

"Yeah."

The funny thing is he wanted to wear them with pants. And not just any pants! Mason said, "I want to wear long pants!"

Mama and I tried to tell him that it's hot outside. "Don't you want to wear shorts?" His answer was still no.

We found one pair of long pants. He smiled after putting them on and stomped off in his blue rain boots to go ride the golf cart.

Before the boys left for church, Mason decided he didn't want to wear those pants anymore. "I want to wear blue ones with holes," he said.

I didn't know if we had any blue pants here at our house. After searching, we did have a pair of blue pants...and they had holes!

I laughed. Mason was content as can be with his blue jeans and rain boots. 

His Daddy wears blue jeans and cowboy boots. Mason just wanted to dress like Daddy.

After he left, I was inspired to write. Oh, to be a kid again and have all of my problems solved by blue jeans and rain boots!

The Child Within

This is a poem about my youngest nephew, Bryson. He's not one who likes to be cuddled. This is a moment in time I don't want to forget.

Time stood still

The day you wanted to play

We'd played before, but this time was different,

Excitement knocking at the door

Your gaze said, "Will you play? Just for a little while?"

I was all too happy to oblige.

A simple game of finding each other.

Up, back.

Now you see me, now you don't.

Your laughter rang out that afternoon.

My room was no longer just a room.

It was filled with the energy from you and me,

Bursting through the monotony

Giving me a much needed break from the routine.

Each time you laughed, it seemed to grow

Bubbling up from your core

In a moment, you let go

Boisterous laughing that made me stop in my tracks

What was that?

I was transported to my childhood,

Oh, to be free like that again

When you grinned and all of your tiny teeth showed,

I wanted to freeze time

So, I could hold that moment forever

Time marches on

But I will always be thankful for those moments and memories created by laughter

In harmony

The Day the Boy Stopped Calling for His Dad

Several months ago, mom and I were in a restaurant. There was a large family sitting near us. The dad wanted to watch the football game while eating, so the waitress was busy trying to get to the right channel.

His teenage son said, "Dad, we've got the game on." The dad barely acknowledged him. 

As we ate, I heard the mom getting frustrated with the baby. But then, I heard something else. Distinctive talking. Proper and business like. 

I told my mom it sounded like someone was having a conversation. Sure enough, I turned around to see the dad talking into his headset.

Through that, I heard the son say, "Dad."

No response.

"Dad," this time in a firmer tone. "Dad!"

Still nothing.

"Daaad." There was a desperation in the teenage boy's voice now. He wanted to share something with his dad.

I think his dad mumbled something to him, but he never gave him his full attention. All of his attention was focused on sealing the deal on the other end of the line.

Finally, the boy was silent. He stopped calling for his dad. I guess he knew it was no use. 

My heart broke for the teenage boy. "One day, that boy is going to be a man and the dad is going to regret not creating memories with him. Is the phone that important? The phone won't be a comfort when regret washes over him for things he wishes he would have done," I said.

"The dad is engrossed in his phone, but one day all he's going to want is his arms around his son. His son may not be there."

Some thoughts that have run through my mind since that day are:

People, put down your phones! It's not worth it. You are missing out on life. You have gotten caught up in minor details while missing the big picture.

Sometimes Being an Aunt Hurts

I love my nephews more than they will ever know. They put a smile on my face even when I am hurting. They motivate me to be better. They make me question why I do things.

But some days being an aunt hurts. I hurt when I can't be with them. Just the other day, I wished I could be helping my oldest nephew trace his letters. I wanted to help him learn everything at that moment. My mom came home, and my brain was bursting with words that began with different letters of the alphabet. "B is for bankrupt! T is for tractor! Or what about elephant, garage, Gram, octopus, old?" I said. "Did you think of those words while helping him?

After thinking about it and talking with my mom, I realized I wanted to make everything easy for Mason. I wanted him to have the best environment every day, one that was conducive to learning and growing. I wished I could have been there to read to him, but the fact was I couldn't be there.

Life is not perfect. "Really, Mason needs to go through adversity," I told Mama. "He doesn't need everything to be simple and easy. Adversity will make him stronger. I know because it made me stronger."

You see, I now understand just a tiny bit of what my mom went through raising my brother and I. She often tells me of the hard things I went through as a child. A part of her wanted to make things easier for me, but she knew she had to be firm so that I would be independent. I am SO thankful for that. 

Mason will be strong because of life's curveballs. It's okay that I wasn't able to help him that night. He will still learn and grow. I just have to trust God in the midst of those heart-wrenching moments. Auntie will not always be with Mason and Bryson, but my prayers cover them wherever they are.

School Prayer for Teachers and Students

© Tammy Sanders

My nephew just finished his first week of Pre-K at the big elementary school. He has done a year at another place that was half a day. As he was in school this week, I was praying for him and the teachers.

I thought I would share it here.

Father, thank You for the safety of all the students. Your angels are positioned all around the building. No weapon formed against them shall prosper, and I plead the blood of Jesus over all of the students no matter where they go during the day.

I thank You that give the teachers a grace to teach the material in the way the students can understand it, even the smallest ones. I thank You that the teachers mold the students. I say the students are being developed into leaders, problem solvers, and creative thinkers. Their minds soak up all of the information like sponges. They grasp the hard concepts and say, "I CAN do this!"

Thank You, Lord, that teachers have grace among the chaos. Peace reigns in their classrooms. They have the ability and wisdom to handle any situation. I say that there will be no distractions to learning. Teachers are able to discipline and get right back on track.

Thank you for a great year of learning and growth! Amen.

You Know You're an Aunt When...

© Tammy Sanders

I was thinking about how my life has changed since I became an aunt.

Here's my "You Know You're an Aunt When" list!

1. You know you're an aunt when your Youtube channel is filled with recommendations for Batman, Cars, monster trucks, and Sidewalk Cops episodes.

2. You know you're an aunt when you think about your nieces or nephews when they are not there.

3. You know you're an aunt when you sacrifice that afternoon nap to play with the boys.

4. You know you're an aunt when you look at your nieces or nephews and feel like your heart might burst!

5. You know you're an aunt when you find yourself planning activities and trips based on what kids like.

6. You know you're an aunt when you start spontaneously singing and dancing in the car just to make your niece or nephew laugh.

7. You know you're an aunt when you are constantly laughing at the silly things your niece or nephew says!

8. You know you're an aunt when you love to see your nieces and nephews come for a visit, but you are also glad you get to send them home.

9. You know you're an aunt when you tell your mom, "So this is what I was like as a child! I don't see how you put up with me talking so much!"

10. You know you're an aunt when you are ecstatic when they hit milestones like walking and talking.

11. You know you're an aunt when you love your nephews, but are so frustrated with them for the way they act sometimes! And then you laugh because you realize you were that way, too!

12. You know you're an aunt when you are thankful for your nephews asking "Why?" for the thousandth time because it means their minds are soaking up knowledge, and it's another opportunity to help them grow into strong men who won't be afraid to ask questions.

13. You know you're an aunt when you look at your nephews and realize how incredibly blessed you are to have two amazing little boys who are counting on you!

Things my Nephew Says 2

My nephew, Mason, had brought a tape measure for me to strap up a big truck. This is the conversation that followed.

"Now let it go so it can snap back."

As I let it go, it didn't snap back. "I don't think this one will snap back," I said. "You have to just feed it back in like this."

Mason said, "I can do it."

I let go and let him do it. He started pushing it back in.

"There you go!" I said.

"No, don't talk! Du(You) make me lose the power to do it."

"Okay," I said.

He came into my room wearing a hat my brother had gotten several years ago at Mardi Gras. It is covered gold, yellow, and purple glitter with a green feather on the top.

Earlier today he said, "Ding!" while holding the big gold ball that's attached to the green feather.

"Why is the bell not dinging," he asked.

"Because it's not really a bell."

Wearing the hat again, he said, "I have a cowboy hat, a belt, but I missing sumpin' (something)!"

"I need some boots on!"

One day, I turned on Smokey and the Bandit. It's a hilarious movie about truck drivers and other characters who do crazy stuff and the law spends all their time trying to catch them. Since Mason's daddy drives a transfer truck, my mom thought he would like it.

In between watching YouTube videos about monster trucks and mud holes, he watched some of Smokey and the Bandit.

In one scene, several of the transfer truck drivers agreed to park side by side to form a bridge that the cars could race over. 

Later that day, Mason brought his transfer trucks over to my chair in the living room.

"Hold it teady (steady) while I dit(get) ano-der(another) truck."

He brought over a big monster truck saying, "Now, trap(strap) it on so it won't fall off." His daddy has to strap on each load before he heads out.

"It's not balanced yet, baby. We need some more trucks," I said.

"Hold it teady (steady).

"Got it."

He came back with a smaller die-cast transfer truck. "This will balance it!" he said.

To my amazement it worked. But Mason wasn't done.

"Let me go get another truck!" 

And so, we tried to balance a monster truck, a die cast transfer truck, and a heavy trailer on top of the big transfer truck trailer. By the end, my arms were sore, but Mason was satisfied with what he'd accomplished.

Just sharing some great memories from life with a toddler! Mason has such a great imagination!

The Toy with a Voice

All of us were sleeping 

Suddenly, I heard a drum beat.

What was that noise?

Minutes pass, and it happens again.

Now, I heard a car

Revving louder

Silence.

Finally, we have peace.

Vroom, vroooom.

Bonk! BONK!

The sound pierced through the darkness.

Was it a phone?

Was it a truck?

Mama, what IS that noise?

I don't know, but if it happens again, I'll find out.

BONK!!!
Short, loud bursts.

Vroom, vrooom.

Rawr!

It's got to be a toy.

But what makes that noise?

It's not in the living room

Or behind closed doors

Lurking in the shadows

Was an especially curious noise

Soon, it wailed louder

Mama looked for the noise.

Seeing a blue light

She thought, "Oh my gosh! What in the world?"

In the bathroom she found the culprit

It was one of the boys' toys!

Lying on the floor

Was the plastic phone 

That used to chirp and squeak with happiness

And even play the drums

But one fateful day

It was dropped in the commode.

Just a little water changed it forevermore.

Now, it spontaneously burst forth with sound

Vroom, vroom.

Rawr. Ahh!

I won't be quiet now!

"It's not supposed to work if you don't touch it," Mama said.

Interrupting sleep,

Jolting me out of bed

This toy had become a source of dread.

Mama said, "I know what I'll do

I'll take the batteries out!"

Gone are the revving engines

And ear-splitting sounds.

I've got the power now!

And so we drifted off to sleep

And my nephews were oblivious to the sounds of the night

That gave us all such a fright.

Each time you press it

It is a mystery.

Will it sound like a car, a chainsaw, a tiger?

No one knows what it will be.

The toy has a voice,

Morphing anew each time.

Muttering indistinguishable sounds 

It is sure to confound.

This simple toy 

Was begging to be heard

Understood? Never!

It's just absurd.

Things my Nephew Says

My oldest nephew is three and he keeps me laughing. I've often posted things on my personal Facebook page, but I thought all of you could use a laugh also.

Some things he's said recently are:

"I love this wed(red) pillow.

I don't like the purple one."

This was news to me because he usually requests the purple pi-yo (pillow) anytime he climbs up to watch movies on the computer with me.

I said, "You do?"

He said, "Uh huh. It's soft." He then lays back on the pillow, puts his hands behind his head, and says, "Ah." So precious!

Today, I told him I had been walking some. He said, "Du(You) get bigger and bigger."

I said, "Really?"

"Yeah. Du are a giant in Gram's big house!"

Okay, then. I guess I am a giant. Haha!

One night, I was playing with Mason and all of a sudden, he said, "Du(You) busted du face!"

Curious as to what he meant, I asked him where. Right dere (there), he said. My mom was standing nearby, and we both just started laughing. He was talking about some acne on my face! I guess it did look like I had gotten hit. 

Kids have such a unique perspective!

How a Toddler Left Me Speechless

Two weeks ago, I was getting ready to go eat at my Memaw's. I came into the living room ready to go. All of a sudden, my oldest nephew, Mason said, "Aun-dee, hold this." He had some frozen yogurt in an ice cream cone.

I said, "Okay, baby." 

He said, "I want to push du."

Then, he did something that left me speechless. And that doesn't happen very often. He pushed me a short distance, and then said, "Now, I am going to back you up."

He backed me up so I would be close to the door when my mom came to get me out of the house. 

Then, he took his little hand and opened the screen door. He was going to try and get me out of the house himself. We have a small ramp over the threshold of the door that I have a hard time getting over without help.

I said, "Wait. You've got to wait on Gram to come help hold the door." I couldn't help him back up and hold the door too.

"Gram, gram!" he said, undeterred from his mission. "Come hold da door." 

My mouth was wide open. I said, "Gram, you will never guess what your grandson wanted to do!" She was getting everything put in the car, so she didn't realize what had happened. 

I just have to say, he did all of this unprompted. I guess he has watched me back up and wait by the door. He just has the most caring heart and excellent memory. Mason never ceases to amaze me. I am so proud to be his Aun-dee! 

(Yes, my name is Auntie. When Mason was little, he called me Aun-ie. Now that he's older, he's learning to pronounce things better. I guess I will be Aun-dee for awhile.)

Achilles and Post Tibial Tendon Lengthening Surgery

My nephews and I

Just have to share this: My sister-in-law, Brittany, told my mom that my three-year-old nephew, Mason, asked the people at Bible school to "pray for Aun-ie". He knows I have had surgery, but I haven't said anything to him about praying for me.

The next night, he asked to pray for my mom, who we call Gram.

I had surgery on my right foot to lengthen the right Achilles tendon and post tibial tendon on July 18th. I just haven't felt like writing, mostly sleeping. No one but my mom knows how hard these past few days have been.  My right foot had gotten so bad that it turned all the way over anytime I tried to get up, including getting in the car. During the last month, both knees would swell up after a short car ride If you are new here, you can read about the surgery and recovery of my left foot here, here, here, and here.

This surgery didn't fuse any bones, so this recovery hasn't been as intense as far as post-surgical pain goes. But, the transferring has been much, much harder. After my last surgery, I could rely on my right foot to bear weight while I transferred. With this one, I can't bear any weight on the right side because it has to heal. I could bear weight on my left side, but that is pretty much impossible because it is not as strong as it needs to be. So, I am using my arms and upper body A LOT. Talk about sore. I feel like a monkey in a jungle. The first few nights of constantly having to get up to go the bathroom were brutal for my mom and I. I also told her I felt like the tin man with no oil because my shoulders, fingers, and back were popping.

Some other funny things that have happened:
On Saturday night, I had to go to the bathroom. The conversation went like this:

Mason: I got her arm. I'm gonna help her up.
Gram: Okay, c'mon
Me: I think you need to help Gram hold my leg up.
Mason: I got du arm. Pulls and says, "C'mon, girl! Ugh!" Pulls really hard
Me: (laughing) Go help Gram hold my leg.
Gram: Yeah, Auntie has to have her arm to get up
Mason comes to hold my leg up
Mason: Okay, one, two, three! He's heard Gram say this to me.

I had a little trouble getting up.
So, Mason encouraged me saying, C'mon, girl!

Then, I got in the wheelchair, ready to go to my bedside commode,
Mason to Gram: Hold my choc choc(this is what he calls chocolate milk)
Mason to me: I will push you
Me: Okay!
Mason: Dere (There) du (you) doe!
Me: Thank you, darlin'!

Hope all of you are doing well. This Georgia heat is something else!

In my Nephew's Eyes

In my nephew's eyes
All is right in the world
I am his friend

In my nephew's eyes
There are no limits
He sees nothing but possibilities

In an instant, he can turn my day around
One laugh piercing my thoughts
One smile makes everything bright again

In him, I see joy
I've watched him go from a tiny baby to a little boy
Playing with abandon, not a care in the world

In my nephew's eyes, I can see the future
Everyday is an adventure
Who knew making mudholes and watching movies could be so much fun?

If I could bottle up the glimmer in his eyes
The loving touch of his hands
I would in an instant

I see one of the best parts of me
In my nephew's eyes

Mason, my oldest nephew, I'll love you forever!