Freewriting Day 24: Finding Shoes with Feet Issues

Earlier this week, I received a new pair of shoes. I waited for them expectantly, excited that the shoe I had talked about for years and said someone should make was not only a reality, but that it might for me!

I've written a post here called "In my Shoes," and I talk about how cerebral palsy has always made it hard for me to find shoes and nearly impossible to find cute ones. Enter Naot shoes. They are made in Israel. And they are made out of leather! I usually NEVER can wear leather, especially with my foot surgeries now.

As soon as Mama opened the box, they were cute! Really cute! They are a cross between a shoe and a sandal (with a back, which means my heel lift wouldn't slip out). "What if I ordered the wrong size? What if they didn't fit?" I said. I am always a bit skeptical trying on new shoes because it really is a hit or miss with me.

"The only way to find out is to try them on," Mama said.

The right one went on with no problems. The left one was tight. I wasn't even sure Mama could get it on my foot, even though I ordered one size up from my normal size to accommodate for swelling. She got it on. 

"I just don't know if these will work! You told me to order the more expensive pair!" I said. I was mad. "If I didn't have to wear a heel lift! If my feet didn't swell!" Mama took the shoes off. As I looked at the shoes and the box they came in, that familiar feeling of disappointment washed over me. As tears threatened to bubble up to the surface, I tamped down my emotions. I didn't want to cry over another pair of shoes. So, I was going back to my room. "The only way to know if they'll work is to wear them," Mama said.

I let her put them back on, and I wore them for an hour. 

I called Mama and told her they hurt wearing them while sitting in my wheelchair. "Lay on the bed with them on until I get back. If they are going to make marks on your feet, it won't matter if you are lying down or not." I agreed to do that.

"It's just disappointing that they may not work," I said.

"I'd rather be disappointed now than have them cause pain with my feet later." Mama said. She always knows just what to say.

I thought they might cause problems, but I wanted to try them. "Don't give up. Thomas Edison failed numerous times on the light bulb, but it only took one time to get it right. We'll just keep trying different styles and sending them back until we find one that works!" Mama said.

With the pain I felt, I was sure there would be redness. To my surprise, there was none. I could hardly believe it! There were marks from the two straps that go across the top of each foot. Marks all the way across the foot that reminded me my feet aren't like other people's. That is why I didn't let myself cry, but I realize now that I should have let those emotions out. A post from Vickie Bowman and wise words from my Aunt Sherrie saying "Feel what you feel when you feel  it!" came back to me.

I hate the fact I have a thickness across the top of my feet that makes it difficult to find shoes. It was difficult when I wore leg braces, and it is difficult now for different reasons.

"I'm going to wear them tomorrow just to see if I can make (my feet) red!" I declared. Maybe, just maybe I wouldn't have to send these back.

I wore them for twenty minutes the next day, and the bony part of my big toe was red. My leg had red and purple splotches.  Not to mention the aching pain I felt on the big toe that I had fused through surgery. It wasn't worth making my foot pain worse. I knew I had to send them back.

I will say that Naot has an EXCELLENT footbed. I have never tried a shoe with a more comfortable footbed. A person from Naot's product development team emailed me yesterday in response to a question I'd asked them a few weeks ago about the shoe, so I was able to tell her what I liked and didn't like about the shoe. If not for those straps across the top, I am convinced that would have been my perfect shoe.