Promises

In the fog, I see breakthrough

As the rainbow appears, I am reminded of The Promise

I am reminded of the I AM

Perfectly imperfect life

Perfectly imperfect people

The Promise never wavers

I cling to the promise that You are near

You will not leave me in this haze of confusion and despair

It may be for a moment

Or for a season

But I promise you won’t stay here

It is working in you a far greater good

More than attitudes and thoughts

I promise to make you more

This fire is meant to refine you

Mold you, transform you

Remake who you thought you were

I promised you a hope and a future

Don’t ever forget—

I am holding you

In your darkest hour

When you question why things are the way they are

I promise I am there

Hearing every word uttered from your mouth

The cries that ache from the depth of your being

I promise it is not wasted

Nothing is in vain

Keep forging ahead

Don’t draw back

For in the Promise you find safety

In the Promise you find strength

It might seem like you have been tossed from the boat

Into the unknown, past your comfort zone

I promise in that place there is growth 

And unending joy

That place is underneath your feet

Every step - although painful - is one step closer to victory

Trust the process.  Believe the promise!

Thriving in Brokenness

Dandelion © Karlis Caupals via freeimages.com

I've always been fascinated by flowers that grow through concrete. That isn't supposed to happen, but one determined seed flourishes in the most unlikely conditions.

Lately, I've felt like that flower. Or that seed at least. Things are hard. There is no soil to till or ground to prepare. I'm in uncharted territory. I'm not sure how things are supposed to go.

Like that seed, I am determined not to die. I will not let words destroy me. I will not let others opinions define me.

To survive, all I have to do is keep reaching for the light. It might be hard to press past some areas, but I will break through. My roots will grow deeper, adjusting to this place.

I will take my brokenness and thrive
Knowing He is creating something beautiful
Even in the messiness, I will cling to the truth that He's working ALL things for my good

He's working in my loneliness
He's working in the midst of my frustration
Even when I don't feel it
Even when things don't make sense

In this process, my light is growing brighter
More vibrant despite the darkness

I will not be a copy
I will not be silent

I will stand still
Confident He holds me in the palm of His hand

I will adjust, but I won't become hardened. I refuse to become closed off. Like a flower, I am going to shine. I am going to spread beauty instead of ugliness. When all hope seems lost, I thrive.

In the great deep divide
I thrive
The thing that was meant to break me
Helped to awaken a hunger for more
To stop going in circles, doing more....yet for what?
What purpose did I serve?

I want to flourish
In this hardness, dreams are jostled
I know in time, pieces of me I never knew existed will be revealed
Because you can't go through a trial and not be changed

Every part of my senses are stirred
My vision is renewed
The fog has lifted

I have shifted
I am thriving as I come to realize the fullness of everything in me
It was always there but I had to be in an uncomfortable place to grow and change into what I am destined to be

Something Special

My two oldest nephews spent the night with us the other night. I woke up and said to Mama "Do you want to do something with the boys today?" She said, "Yeah, but let's wait till it stops raining."

Our first idea was to take them to a flea market Mama and I had visited that had some old metal trucks we knew the boys would love.

After checking the weather, it showed rain all in that area. Wheelchairs and wet gravel don't mix. So, plans changed.

Mama remembered one of her clients telling her about taking kids to Greenville to jump for $8 each, but she couldn't remember the name.

The client never answered her phone or texts, so I Googled it to see what came up. Finding a few places that were a little more than we wanted to spend, I suggested a nearby mall. I thought they had a place for kids to jump and Mama thought they had an arcade.

Off we went!

When we got to the mall, we saw one big jumping thing straps you in, but my middle nephew said, "I don't like that!"

The place that Mama thought was an arcade is now a barber shop. Such a bummer!

We let both boys ride a small ride inside the mall, but I told Mama, "This is not what I had in mind."

What do you want to do, Madison?
I don't know, but this is not special! (Since it was the end of their Spring Break, I wanted to do something special with them.)

We finally found out the name of the jumping place in Greenville, but we thought it might be a little too far to travel with my middle nephew, Bryson, since he is younger.

Mama said, "What about that place you found earlier?"

"That will be good if I can get the address to pull up."

On the way to the mall, I found the KidVenture Playground. It had a castle, ropes, swinging bridges...it looked like something the boys would love AND we wouldn't have to drive far!

The phone nor the GPS would pull up the address. I found a different address and tried that. Still nothing.

"I don't know. I can't find it."

"Well, most places have a phone number," Mama said. She called and left a message.
"They may not be there."
"They are open 24 hours a day. I looked it up," I said, my agitation ever-increasing.

Mama said, "You need to calm down."

Mama was looking too. She said, "We may need to go to Gravatopia since I can't find this place."

In the midst of my frustration, she said, "I probably need to get the boys something to eat.
I said, "Yeah, while you're there ask somebody about the playground. They'll know. It's a huge place."

Just like a kid, Mason said, "Let's look for a huge place!"

Sure enough, Mama asked a lady leaving Chic-Fil-A if she was familiar with KidVenture.

She said, "Yeah, it's on this road. Go down here and turn."

I smiled.

It was taking a little longer than normal to get the food due to the number of people, and I thought maybe I need to be away from the boys so I can regroup.

By the time they came back I was good.

Turns out the directions on the phone were right. The road was a parkway instead of a circle. No wonder the GPS couldn't find it!

"Here it is! I see it!" Mama said.

I saw it too. It was huge. We even saw ducks walk right beside us. Black and white ones and some with a red beak. We told the boys we would take our food and have a picnic. Mason drank some of his milk shake, but Bryson was off in a flash, racing up the castles. As Mama was getting the food out, she said, "Where's Bryson?"

He said, "Up here!"

Mason ran to play with him. Mama had to check it out to, so I watched them play while I ate.

They climbed the rock wall, swung from metal rings, and making as much noise as possible.

They had so many slides!

Then, we went down to the lake and got to see two tiny baby ducks waddling behind their mama. Mason said those were his favorite. The ducks even ate out of Mama's hand.

I realized we DID have a special day. It didn't have to be some elaborate trip with lots of things to do. The boys just liked being there with us. They didn't really care what we were doing as long as we were together.

I am writing this as a reminder to myself to slow down and enjoy the moments. Stop fussing over every detail. It doesn't have to be perfect. Kids just want quality time with you - away from the phones and distractions. 

We didn't spend a lot of money, but we made priceless memories.

He Was Raised

Image Credit © Tomb Garden of Jesus 5 M Nota via free images.com

That fateful day came

When the weight of humanity fell on His shoulders

They all trembled at the sight

He said don’t worry, my child, for you are mine

I can carry this pain, it is mine

Go on don’t weep for Me

This has to be done for humanity

I will be raised in a few days

I will be raised for the hurting

I will be raised for the unlovable

I will be raised to bring peace

I will be raised for you

It will be worth it, My child

Leave all your burdens at My feet

My blood will erase the pain

Cause it’s a covering

I was raised for the hurting

I was raised for the unlovable

I was raised to bring peace

I was raised for you

So, go on to the Father,

He’s waiting with open arms

He died on that Cross for all of us

He died to deliver you

So what are you waiting for?

Treasure in the Junk Heap

Image Credit: Texture - Scrap 1 © John Nyberg via freeimages.com

What do you do when things are bad? So bad that you can't see anything good? Chaos and confusion have become your constant companions. Everywhere you look, things are messy. Things that should be together have fallen apart.

The only way to survive is to look for the treasure in the junk heap. Look for the one thing that gives you hope. Look for the thing that buoys your soul in the midst of the storm.

Trust me, it's there. There is something worthwhile in the junk heap. 

In the midst of your searching, you can count it all joy because you find patience. Searching through the junk heap requires patience because the treasure is hidden in the mess. You won't find it at the top of the pile shining with a golden light around it saying, "Here I am!"

You can count it all joy because you are recognizing and benefitting from the depths of His mercy and grace. Going back to the junk heap reminds you that you were once there. You were filthy, dirty, and unwanted. You were cast away by others because they didn't think you were usable.

So, as a treasure, you might be mad that you find yourself back at the junk heap. Why I am dealing with the mess? This mountain seems bigger than the ones I've overcome! Why am I here? What is the purpose?

The purpose might be for you to leave your comfort zone and help someone else out of the junk heap. You might be the one to remind them that life is worth living. Things might be bad, but they won't stay that way. You might be a mess right now, but there is a light inside you that can't be dimmed. Let your hardships refine you. Let them strengthen you. 

I don't know about you, but I choose to celebrate the treasure in the junk heap...in me and around me!

You're There

Jesus, you are the hope I cling to 
When my world doesn't make sense
When it comes crashing in

You are there
Just like You've always been

I will rest in You
You are my refuge, my rescue

I will look to You
As everything else grows dim

I find You in the quietness of my soul
I feel You most when I let go
I hear when You don't say a word

You touch me when I am alone

Thank you for reminding that nothing has to make sense
It's okay if I don't understand
You said no mind can know what God has in store

So, I'll trust You in this ocean
I will follow You through the wilderness
Knowing You're not done with me yet

We Made It

Today was my first shower since surgery. Mama put the boot on because Dr. Brosky said to use it when doing a lot of pressure walking.

I haven’t put weight on my foot since surgery, so it felt weird. I was only able to take tiny steps to get to the shower. Mama was holding me with each step.

As soon as I sat down I got a sharp pain in the back of my head. Mama shaved my legs.

It felt incredibly weird to be in the shower. It was almost like an out-of-body experience. I held on to my shower seat. I can’t explain it. I felt like I had to hold on.

“Calm down. Take some deep breaths,” Mama said. I put my hand on the shower to steady myself. "It just feels SO weird sitting in here!"

Then it was time to wash my hair. I was prepared for my toe to hurt, but what happened next I was NOT expecting. The muscles in my legs cramped violently.

There was no way I could wash my hair. Mama had to help me.

As she washed my hair, I was crying. As the muscles made it clear they weren’t going to relax, I went from crying to wailing.

“You know the calmer you stay, the better it is for you,” Mama said.

“I know. It just hurts SO bad!”

Finally, I told Mama to bring me a Flexeril pill, which is a muscle relaxer I take to help spasms.

She tried to give it to me, but I couldn’t reach for it. She put the pill in my mouth and the drink to my lips so I could get it down.

After a while, Mama said, “Do you think you could wash your body to get your mind off things?”

“I’ll try,” I mumbled through the pain.

I got as far as holding the bottle before my left leg went into a spasm again.

“My leg! My leg!”

I knew I needed to stay calm, but my body didn’t want to cooperate. In a moment of clarity, I said, “I thank you these muscle spasms stop in the name of Jesus!” Mama was praying, too.

I could feel my body relax. Sweet, sweet relief.

Mama said, “Has it relaxed?”

Yes.

“I felt it,” she said.

Finally, we got my hair washed. But my legs were still somewhat in spasm.

Mama said, “I’m going to leave you for a while, so you can get calmed down before you try to get up.

I tried to put my left leg up on the ledge. It stuck straight out. “You crazy leg!” I yelled in frustration as I got it to bend back.

I said, “Your grace is sufficient. God, I can’t do this without you. I know you are here with me, but I have got to have your help to get up.

Scriptures started flowing out of me, “If God is for me, who can be against me? With God on my side, I cannot fail.”

My body relaxed as the pain faded away.

The ironic thing is my toe – the thing that was operated on – NEVER hurt during my shower.

I know what happened. For months, my legs have cramped and went into spasm because of my toe. Even though my toe is fixed, my body hasn’t gotten the memo. It is still reacting the same way it did before the surgery.

This post doesn’t scratch the surface of what I felt. You had to be there, and even then, you couldn’t feel what I felt. Usually when I have a muscle spasm, I sit up on the side of the bed or get up to relieve it, but today I was stuck. I couldn’t go anywhere. I had to work through it, as uncomfortable as it was.

I don’t know what people do without God because without Him, I could never make it. God never said things would be easy, but He did say He would help me through it.