We Made It

Today was my first shower since surgery. Mama put the boot on because Dr. Brosky said to use it when doing a lot of pressure walking.

I haven’t put weight on my foot since surgery, so it felt weird. I was only able to take tiny steps to get to the shower. Mama was holding me with each step.

As soon as I sat down I got a sharp pain in the back of my head. Mama shaved my legs.

It felt incredibly weird to be in the shower. It was almost like an out-of-body experience. I held on to my shower seat. I can’t explain it. I felt like I had to hold on.

“Calm down. Take some deep breaths,” Mama said. I put my hand on the shower to steady myself. "It just feels SO weird sitting in here!"

Then it was time to wash my hair. I was prepared for my toe to hurt, but what happened next I was NOT expecting. The muscles in my legs cramped violently.

There was no way I could wash my hair. Mama had to help me.

As she washed my hair, I was crying. As the muscles made it clear they weren’t going to relax, I went from crying to wailing.

“You know the calmer you stay, the better it is for you,” Mama said.

“I know. It just hurts SO bad!”

Finally, I told Mama to bring me a Flexeril pill, which is a muscle relaxer I take to help spasms.

She tried to give it to me, but I couldn’t reach for it. She put the pill in my mouth and the drink to my lips so I could get it down.

After a while, Mama said, “Do you think you could wash your body to get your mind off things?”

“I’ll try,” I mumbled through the pain.

I got as far as holding the bottle before my left leg went into a spasm again.

“My leg! My leg!”

I knew I needed to stay calm, but my body didn’t want to cooperate. In a moment of clarity, I said, “I thank you these muscle spasms stop in the name of Jesus!” Mama was praying, too.

I could feel my body relax. Sweet, sweet relief.

Mama said, “Has it relaxed?”

Yes.

“I felt it,” she said.

Finally, we got my hair washed. But my legs were still somewhat in spasm.

Mama said, “I’m going to leave you for a while, so you can get calmed down before you try to get up.

I tried to put my left leg up on the ledge. It stuck straight out. “You crazy leg!” I yelled in frustration as I got it to bend back.

I said, “Your grace is sufficient. God, I can’t do this without you. I know you are here with me, but I have got to have your help to get up.

Scriptures started flowing out of me, “If God is for me, who can be against me? With God on my side, I cannot fail.”

My body relaxed as the pain faded away.

The ironic thing is my toe – the thing that was operated on – NEVER hurt during my shower.

I know what happened. For months, my legs have cramped and went into spasm because of my toe. Even though my toe is fixed, my body hasn’t gotten the memo. It is still reacting the same way it did before the surgery.

This post doesn’t scratch the surface of what I felt. You had to be there, and even then, you couldn’t feel what I felt. Usually when I have a muscle spasm, I sit up on the side of the bed or get up to relieve it, but today I was stuck. I couldn’t go anywhere. I had to work through it, as uncomfortable as it was.

I don’t know what people do without God because without Him, I could never make it. God never said things would be easy, but He did say He would help me through it.