My 500 Words: A Writing Challenge - Day 4

Some people make others feel little so they can feel big. They degrade and criticize so they can feel powerful. That has happened to me, and it never feels good.

It never feels good when others put you in positions where you are the underdog. They come in knowing something you don't know. 

That is not a good way to build trust. You can't build trust by making someone else feel less than. Trust is built by uncomfortable situations. Both parties acknowledge that it will not be easy, but they will be in it together.

When the other person bails when things get tough, trust is not built. But something is. It's called distrust. Each time you are let down, you are vulnerable. You are without trust.

Instead of strengthening your relationship with that person, the bond weakens. And over time and repeated disappointments, trust is non-existent. How can it be there when the person was never there when you needed them?

Trust is a safe place. Trust is knowing that someone cares enough to catch you when you fall. Trust is knowing you are never alone. Trust is support. 

Trust is not built by words, but rather by actions. You could promise me the world, but if you never do anything to show me that I can trust you, it means nothing. 

People are human. I get it. Eventually you get tired of holding the door open for someone who cannot walk through. I am convinced some people cannot be trusted because they do not know what trust is. They may not have seen what trust looks like. That is no fault of their own, but we can all strive to do better.

My level of trust is directly related to my experiences, but at some point, I have to let go. I have to decide to trust without borders that box me in. If I put trust in a box and say, "I only want this much," that is all I am going to get.

I refuse to live my life with closed arms. I want to live life with arms wide open, embracing all of life's messy yet beautiful moments. When I let my guard down, I let love in. I let love wash over my hurts and heal me. I choose to let love break down the barriers I have so carefully crafted to protect myself. 

In protecting myself, I have created a bubble. A bubble of isolation. In order to be effective in ministry and life in general, I have to be connected. I have been connected, but only to an extent. I got weary giving of myself when other people do not give much. It does not matter what they do or how connected they are. It comes down to this: How much am I connected? How much do I trust? If I am not connected to the Vine, I will wither away and die.

I do not want to be loosely connected, just getting nutrients. I want to be engrafted. I want to be established. I want to be deeply rooted. I want to be all in. So, do you know what I am going to do? I surrender. I say, "Not my will but yours be done, oh Lord. I will do it your way. I will follow your plan."