Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Honest Feelings

Okay, I'm going to be really honest. If you read this, that's wonderful. I'm writing this more for myself so I don't forget how far I've come. I've had a tough, tough few days. I walked twice last week, and my feet have given me fits since then. They are better this morning, but it has been hard.

I've had to take more of my pain medication than I would like. That bothers me. But, I refuse to let pain get the best of me. Last week, I was able to get up a play with my nephew, yesterday I had to play with him from my bed. What I love about my nephew is he comes and finds me if I'm not in the living room. Just hearing the pitter patter of those little feet brightens my day.

For a few weeks, I allowed myself to get consumed about future plans for my magazine, and I felt like I really wasn't accomplishing anything during the day. Those negative thoughts from the enemy began to creep in and really affect me. I even told my mom that even though I was doing some things, they weren't finished yet. I felt like there was no point in even getting out of bed, but I did it anyway. After talking with her, I realized it didn't matter to her when I got them done, she was just happy I was making progress! I will admit that I beat myself up about things that really aren't that big of a deal. I am going to do better about that.

During the end of last week, I just burst into tears when my doctor's office called and said we'd have to reschedule. I just knew I would have to wait another week or two. To my surprise, my appointment was bumped up a day earlier. I got all upset for nothing! Isn't that how it usually is? As a result, I have been confessing God's word and the promises that are in it. I am so glad He has never left me or forsaken me.

Now, I am not so concerned about my magazine. Everything will work out in His time. I am just doing small tasks during the day, and if I hurt, I take my medicine and take a nap. I would rather be sleeping than miserable to myself and everyone around me. 

Right now, I am happy that I will be able to walk this afternoon. I have taken my pain meds so I am not putting unnecessary stress on my body. That way I can say that I've accomplished two things by nighttime: writing a blog post and walking!