Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Maybe I'm Me

The older I get, the more I seem to question the way I am. Well, that's not true. I guess it was just when I realized I'm not like everyone else. I like to do things right. It doesn't matter whether that's an assignment, an exercise program, or speech. Someone at church tonight said, "It's good to question why you think the way you do." So, I did just that tonight. After digging in my memory bank, I found it.

When I was about nine all the way into my teen years, I was with one physical therapist. I would stop several times during the session and say, "Am I doing this right?" The physical therapist said, "I have never had someone be so conscientious." Well, at that age, I didn't feel conscientious. I felt weird. Most of the people I went to school with were overjoyed just to pass. It wasn't that way for me. If I knew I could have better, I wanted better.

Even as a college student, people called me insane for striving to get an A in Communication Law. I now realize I'm not weird, I'm just me. I can't apologize for that. One of my philosophies is if I don't do it right, why do it at all? Take exercising for example. If I rushed through them just to get it over with and go home, I wouldn't get the full benefit. My muscles wouldn't be stretched which means it would be harder for me to walk the next day.  Anyone who is close to me knows that I give 110% into whatever I'm doing. I'm only on this earth for a short while, and I want my time to count for something.

Maybe that makes me weird to some people. You know what, that's okay.  Maybe I'm too hard. Maybe I expect too much of people. I don't know. I struggle with that balance because I don't want to push people away. I don't want to change the fiber of my being, though, just to make someone happy for a short while.  I've never had many close friends because most of them couldn't relate to the physical suffering that I went through as a child and went our separate ways, even though it was beyond my control.

I'm twenty two years old, and continually strive not for the praises of man or an A+ paper. As I've said before, my papers, degrees, and certificates will rot one day. They will mean nothing. But, while I'm here, I strive to be the best representative of Jesus that I can and that includes giving my all. Jesus gave His all in whatever He did, so waking up each day, being a little weirder than those around me is okay if it means I am following Him. 


Ioana-Carmen said...

I really love your blog. Maybe you are agree following each other?! :)