Friday, July 09, 2010

Breaking Free


This picture shows my very last Fentanyl patch.

I'm writing this post with the end goal in mind. I'm have been completely off the Fentanyl (and Dilaudid) since June 14, 2010. There have been people that seriously doubted whether or not this could be done. Heck, I'm not going to say this has been a leisurely walk in the park. I've cried, I've wondered when this would end. But, one thing never changed. Once we came off a dose month by month, I refused to go back. People reassured me saying it was OK, but I couldn't do it. I had to move forward with or without some people behind me. My mom has seen me at the best times and the worst. My physical therapist has been there sometimes voicing his opinion and other times silently supporting me in my quest to be me again.

My church family has also been there for me. A hug or a word of encouragement has meant more than they will ever know. Even the praise and worship that leaps from the keyboard into the heart of the people has been wonderful.

I said all this to say I couldn't have done this by myself. When I started this journey, I called it a tale of triumph in the midst of the world's system, and that still holds true. I said it by faith excited for what was come.

It's bittersweet, though. I am leaving this phase of the journey with a mixture of emotions. While I'm free from medication, there are many others at the clinic that will not get to say the same. My heart is heavy for them, but I hope I've inspired their parents to keep hope in spite of it all. I hope that the nurses there are more committed to helping even more kids. Sometimes helping doesn't consist of getting them off medication but figuring out the best plan of care. I want them to know that the work they do is important. Thank you Bobby for having the best attitude whether in phone or in person. You are 100% committed to the kids there. Dr. V., thank you for working with me these past few years. I appreciate you being willing to listen to my concerns, no matter how trivial they sounded. Thank you for always looking for the next best thing that might help me.

To all of the kids and parents that are still patients at the clinic, hang in there. While you may not be able to change your situation, you can change your attitude. Be committed to the doctor's orders. Be kinder than necessary to the staff. Be patient. It may not happen when you want it to happen, but trust me, someone is working behind the scenes to help your child.

So, it's time to turn the page. A new phase of my journey has begun!


I've included some posts that sum up things:



4 comments:

Sherrie said...

Wow! what an awesome testimony. I thank God for you courage to hang on. I od for that determination on the inside of you that didn't give up and a mother who would not let you! I applaud you both! The best is yet to come. Welcome back into the real world full of all the great plans and purposes God has ahead for you! I love you!!! Let the true Madison NOW stand up!!!!

Sherrie said...

Wow! what an awesome testimony. I thank God for you courage to hang on. I od for that determination on the inside of you that didn't give up and a mother who would not let you! I applaud you both! The best is yet to come. Welcome back into the real world full of all the great plans and purposes God has ahead for you! I love you!!! Let the true Madison NOW stand up!!!!

Saucy said...

You are such a brave young lady and I'm proud of you. Your journey makes me try to be a little stronger in mine. I like to think that Loopy walks because she and I wouldn't give up... so I understand that you and your mother are taking this journey together, you are lucky to have her. Go give her a hug, now. xo

Adori Graphics said...

I saw this post the other day but never got chance to leave you a note. Just wanted to say well done for giving it a try, I can't imagine it's been an easy task at all. So kudos to you for getting this far and still saying sane...you are still sane, right? LOL

(((hugs))) Louise x