Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Memories Rewind: The Doll who Died Without Doing a Thing--her Microchip said it All

My mom bought me a doll for Christmas one year. This wasn't just any doll. This doll was a doll that took annoying to a whole new level. As soon as I took her out of the box, I saw a lilac purple jumper with a purple striped long sleeve shirt. Her blonde pigtails captured that childlike innocence in a doll. I wanted to see her in action, so Mama put in the batteries. "Hello, she cooed, my name is Allie."

In a few minutes she said, "B C A...A B C." Then she laughed at her mix up. Did Allie think I was her personal counselor there to calm her fears about learning the alphabet? I was more like her worst nightmare (sometimes). Don't worry, the feelings were mutual.

I was trying to get used to playing with her when I heard, "Kiss me, Kiss me." I gave her a peck on the cheek because if I didn't do what she said, she would keep repeating herself. "Does this doll ever be quiet"? I thought.

Evidently she wasn't capable of being quiet because I heard, "Water, water," in that fake baby voice. This was really starting to get on my nerves. Keep in mind that I was only ten years old. I wanted to play with her for a little while, and then go do something else. She kept on and on, and I lost it. "That doll needs to shut up," I distinctly remember telling Mama. She replied by saying, "Now you know what a real baby sounds like." "Oh man," I thought. My heart rate got faster just thinking about it!

Thankfully, the manufacturer had mercy on me. The doll came with a microchip. I had had enough, so I promptly removed it. Allie "died" that night-I never heard "Water" one more time. I don't think I was ever more thankful for peace and quiet and that moment. That micro chip was like a life preserver would be on a ship, for emergencies only. That was an emergency, let me tell you. Allie didn't hit me or yell, her microchip got her in enough trouble for the both of them. On her death certificate, the cause of death would have been overactive microchip.

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2 comments:

sarah m said...

That is so funny! And kind of creep, too. I can't imagine having one that wouldn't shut up...thank goodness for the microchip! :)

The Blonde Duck said...

That reminds me of that X Files episode where the doll was evil...