A Consuming Prayer

This is what I prayed to God while worshipping by myself tonight. What do your prayers to God look like?

Consume my anger

Consume my frustration

Consume my guilt

Consume my pain

Consume my brokenness

Consume my depravity

Consume my emptiness

 Consume me, God

I need you more than I need to be right

I need you so I can be a light

Let your Word guide me

Away from myself

And my inhibitions

Consume me, God

Because it’s in You that I find me

Apart from you, I’m nothing

Separation

My body was there, but I retreated to a place of silence
Trying to make myself invisible
Trying to drown out the noise

There it was
A separation
A chasm
Close in body, but moving further and further away

Spiritually, mentally

Disconnected, wholly separate

An unwelcome visitor wedged its way in
Past the familiarities
Forget the pleasantries

It sit down heavily
Like a boulder teetering on the edge of a mountain
A mountain of pain
Simmering just below the surface
That superficial veneer threatened to crack with every breath

Things weren't different
They were just as messy as they have always been
That's when I was thankful I was different than them

God, Help Me

God, help me
I feel so disconnected
We may be back together and near other people, but I feel miles apart

It's like starting over
It is starting over

Where do I fit?
Does anyone want what I have to give?

Does anyone see me?
I feel like a blip on the water that is only there for a few seconds
In and out
Up and down

Nothing changes
People are callous and cold

Only doing surface level chit chat
I can't stand that

I can't stand feeling like this is just another day
Smiling but never really connecting
Hugging but never breaking barriers

I'm tired of those who are okay with status quo
Go with the flow
Don't disrupt how we do things

God, help me to feel again
Help me to see clearly
Not with a haziness
A cloud hanging over everything

Every word
Every action
Even interactions

Let me be a bridge
Let me be a light
Pointing the way for others
Even if no one else cares

Even if they don't care enough to do anything
Even if they don't care enough to say anything
Help me to not shrink back
And curl into myself

Going back into my shell
Help me not lose myself

Mama Kat's Writing Workshop Week 2

I'm joining in Mama Kat's writing workshop again this week.  

I chose the prompt that says write a blog post inspired by the word: Fresh


Fresh flowers are sitting in a vase
Buds and blossoms hang delicately 
Plucked from the ground
Now we gaze at their beauty

Orange, reds and yellows swirl together in a perfect symphony
Creating a blend of striking patterns

And the smell
Like dewdrops after the rain
A mixture of sweetness
Like a honeysuckle vine

Fresh flowers have an aroma like nothing else
Bringing cheeriness to every room

Mama Kat's Writing Workshop

I've been wanting to do Mama Kat's Writing Workshop weekly prompts for a while. While in quarantine, I figure there's no better time.

 If you could go back in time and relive one year of your life, what year would you choose and why?

Without question, I would relive the year my oldest nephew was born. I often think back to that time because it was one of the happiest times of my life. My nephew brought (and continues to bring) endless amounts of joy into my life.

That year was filled with so much laughter and joy in the simple things. I looked at things in wide-eyed wonder as I watched my nephew crawled for the first time, said his first word, and smiled.

We went on so many adventures and made up silly songs! I couldn't wait to see him and play with him.

Don't Look Down!

For about a year and a half, God has been saying to me, “Don’t look down!” I haven’t always been in a wheelchair. When I was a child and a teenager, I walked. Ever since I’ve had to use a walker, I’ve had a habit of looking down when doing various tasks.

Twice this week, God has told me to not look down. Once through Pastor Jason’s sermon and again through a devotional I’m reading.

My devotional said, “When you’re looking down, all you can see is what’s down. It limits your perspective and lowers your expectations.”

I choose to look up! Kenneth Hagin has a message on persistent faith and he says, “See yourself doing what you can’t do.”

I see myself walking
I see myself running
I see myself jumping
I see myself driving

I see my left knee straight and not turned in
I see my left leg the same length as my right

This is what it looks like to walk by faith. You have to see it in the spirit realm before it will ever manifest in the natural.

I am making a conscious effort to hold my head up. All things are possible to those who believe!

I am Undone

I am undone in Your presence
Baring my soul and my scars
You knew me from the start

I am undone in the deepest waters
They swell and crash with a thundering roar
I am surviving and growing stronger

I am undone
No more pretending or trying to wrap up my image with a pretty bow
I am broken, make me whole

Untangle my frustration
Uncover my face
Leave no stone unturned in the light

Let the light of truth wash over me
Deposit a fresh resolve to try again

Take all my fragments, every jagged edge
Every hard-won truth and weave it into the fabric of my being