I struggle with letting go. I try to control people and situations, but it ALWAYS ends in bitter frustration.
Do you want to know why? Because I can't control another person. I can't control circumstances, no matter how hard I try. I could say all the right things and do something with a pure motive and things still end in disaster.
Some days I am fine letting go. My head doesn't spin. My heart doesn't race. I am just content to let things be. Content to not mess with the messiness of life.
Other times I feel like I have my hand firmly on the reigns, only to realize I was grasping at air. It was all an illusion.
Recently, I finished a book by Rebekkah Lyons called Freefall to Fly. I think that's why I try to control things. I am afraid of the freefall that will inevitably happen if I just let go.
I am afraid to let the chips fall where they may. But, tonight, I've realized on a deeper level that growth never happens standing still. It happens in the tulmultous swinging of chaos. It happens deep beneath the surface where nothing can hinder the process. A seed's growth happens underground. You only know something has happened when stalks and leaves and buds appear.
Growth happens in uncharted waters. It happens when all plans are thrown out the window.
When I had multiple surgeries and years of prolonged sickness, I could not control what was happening to me. I shifted my focus to controling my enviroment. Picking the paint colors for my walls. Little things, but they meant so much to me.
Tonight, I am focusing on letting go. I have realized it's not a decision I have to make once a week. I have to make the choice to let go every day. When I feel myself getting anxious, it's more than likely because I'm trying to control something. I am now going to take a deep breath and remind myself to let go. I was not created to carry burdens. I am supposed to release them. Then and only then, can I be a better daughter, sister, aunt, and friend.
Do you have some things you need to let go of?
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