Monday, November 17, 2014

Still Fighting

This was written several weeks ago, but everything rings truer with each passing day.

Journey to Myself © Peter Hostermann via

I am still fighting. At this stage in my recovery, it is all about bypassing how I feel and what I see. Since my foot responded so well to the surgery, I don't need physical therapy.

Dr. B said, "There is no need to have someone forcing it into positions when it is already there." That was a shock because I just assumed I would need physical therapy. It was a fantastic yet frightening feeling. Fantastic in the sense that we wouldn't have to do extra traveling, frightening because I had to get used to moving it again.

My foot was fixed, but I have to deal with the mental side. This time there would be no Dustin, no appointments. It seemed like I was being thrown into the water with no life preserve. On the way home, I told Mama, "Well, the only thing I know is to jump right in." I was tearful and emotional because there is no textbook that says do this on week one, week two, and week twelve.

"And they threw the rule book out when I was made," I said.

But, I don't get off easy! I am having to move around, sit up, and put weight on my feet. Yesterday, everything within me was screaming. I didn't sit up yesterday, but I did walk some to stretch out my sore muscles. Being sore is a common thing lately, but I am determined to not go back. My focus is straight ahead and nothing else.

I started out standing up for two minutes, and when that got too easy, I bumped it up to three. I am holding steady at three minutes. I had ambitious plans to do this every day, but that hasn't happened.

Between walking a few steps to the shower and back, that has sufficed. Most people don't understand what it is like for aches to set in after a shower. It seems like such a simple task after all.

As I said in a previous post, I had some cortisone shots put in my left foot at the beginning of the month. They have helped tremendously. 

(When I wrote this, this was my progress) I've sat up for an hour this morning, read part of a memoir, and have plans for a shower this afternoon. That means I will have sat up around two hours!


Throughout the past few days I have wondered, "When did I become such a wuss?" When did I allow the pain to seep into my thoughts? I have a choice. It is time to refocus. I will win this battle. And in the process, my mind changes. I see things clearly and pursue with a relentless tenacity. The greatest battle you will ever face isn't with others; it is with yourself.

So, today I say, "Madison, you are more than this. You are more than what you feel. Victory is already yours. Don't give up."

Comments are disabled for this post. If you want to post something encouraging in a message or on Facebook, that is fine. I am just being honest. Today is one of those days I have to encourage myself.