Monday, June 02, 2014

Am I Making a Difference?

Think...Think...Think 1 © Dennis Stamatoiu via

Sunday night, I was listening to a podcast on my church’s website. Apostle David asked, “When you die, will you have made an impact on anyone’s life?”

I immediately started crying because I don’t know the answer. I mean, I do write a blog that tells about my life, the highs and lows and living with cerebral palsy and my family. But, am I really making a difference? Is what I write really helping people?

I don’t know. I don’t want to spend my life doing stuff to make a name for myself. I want to leave this world a better place than I found it.

For my senior project, I did an inspirational magazine about people with disabilities from Northeast GA? Did it raise awareness? Did it make people think, or did it just get thrown in the trash?

I wanted to interview people with disabilities and put it on YouTube, but no one was interested. Some paralympic athletes and their director in Chicago said they would contact me, but no one ever did.

All I know is, hopefully, I am making a difference by the way I live. Hopefully, I am giving people the courage to stand up for themselves. Hopefully, people see that it’s okay to be different. I am not talking about having a disability, either. The different I am talking about is not doing what everyone is else is doing. Not dressing like everyone else your age is dressing.

I said years ago, I would shut the blog down if it became fluff, just something else to do. My time is too important to let that happen. God has me here for a purpose, and I don’t want to fill my time doing “good stuff” just because it gives me something to do. I want everything I do to serve a bigger purpose. Longtime readers will know that I’ve said it’s not about me. My life is not my own. God laid his life down for me¸ so I get to make that choice.

I love this blog. I started it as a personal journal, and it still is. Has this blog become about me? Is it bringing people closer to God? Is it encouraging people to study the Bible for themselves? Is it giving hope to people with disabled family members? Is it still making people think?

I don’t know.  I just don’t want to spend my energy on something that isn’t fruitful.  

Before I make any decisions about this blog, I will wait. I will wait on Him. Right now, I am in limbo. I’ve already changed some things in my life and repented for others. When you know better, it’s up to you to do better.


Connie said...

Madison, yes, you already have and you will continue to make a difference. You are still so very young, your real life has just begun. You have decades ahead of you to make your contributions. Just recognize that you might not always know when it's happened, or to whom. You have a pure and generous spirit. That comes through so clearly. Keep being yourself and following your dreams and values. Much love, Connie