Courage

Have you ever had one of those days where you just question everything? That's where I'm at right now. I'm not sure exactly what I want to do, and I know everything will fall into place.

I'm just not satisfied with things right now. I've got that feeling of uneasiness and longing for things to be different. I long for the day when I can sit at school for more than a couple of classes. For most people, it's the opposite. They want to take the least amount of hours as possible. Not me. When you've had your whole "plan" turned upside down because of things beyond your control, the fear of the unknown rears its ugly head again.

Just because I fear something, doesn't mean I should let it stop me. I have to find a way (and I will) to overcome it. Typing or saying those words is easy but doing it is a whole other story.

I have to reach down deep inside of me to find that courage once again. That courage that doesn't let obstacles dictate its future. That courage that pushes past the pain even though it hurts.

Somewhere in the midst of my medical roller coaster I've lost that courage. I'm constantly asking my mom and myself ,"Why could I get back up from falling several times a day when I was younger without a tear, but now I cry about things?" Why is that? I'm often telling myself that I need to get back to my old self(not to relive the bad things) but to get back my courage. That tenacity that would conquer any "mountain" life throws at me. Those of you that were in my speech class will realize that reference.

I know I'm usually positive, but everyday isn't perfect. I'm not satisfied right now, but there's nothing I can do to change things except know within in my heart the "prize" that I'm going after. To not lose sight of the goals that I've set for myself. Right now, I'm having to wait, and I don't care how patient you are, waiting is HARD. I guess I'm on the right track. I'll just keep doing my PT and going to school.

Comments

BK said…
Hang in there!!! I love your determination and spirit! You can do this and you will do this because that's who you are. I admire you so much!!!!
6:29 PM
Meg said…
It's ok, we all have bad days. I completely understand the not knowing part. Hang in there!!
10:28 AM
The Blonde Duck said…
I hope things get easier for you. Just take some time to relax and let your mind clear.
12:43 PM
Hopsy said…
I am sorry thins are not feeling right. Never give up and hang in there. I will send up a prayer for you!
2:21 AM
tam7777 said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
2:58 PM
tam7777 said…
You are a winner and as I always tell you will always come out on top. We can not look at our circumstances cause we will duck tail and run. Say what God says about you not what your head tells you. I love you and like I have said you will get through this. If the devil could have stopped you he would have
3:01 PM
Krystyn @ Really, Are You Serious? said…
Good luck. It sounds like you are in the home stretch.
11:05 PM
Hopsy said…
I am glad you stopped in to give us an update. I have been thinking about you!!
2:07 AM
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