Things are Hard

Struggle © Michael Kaufmann via freeimages.com


Where has my motivation gone?


I feel a heaviness. It comes and goes. I'm not thinking negative thoughts now. I think I'm having a hard time just being. I like to do things. I like to know that I am accomplishing something. Lately, even though I am doing things, it feels as if I am slogging through mud.

This season of life is different. I need to be content. Things are just hard. It's hard because I can't seem to get my thoughts down on paper. The words are there, but instead of them freely flowing, it's like they are suspended.

I feel fatigued. Little things that shouldn't be bothering me are bothering me. I'll have a pretty good morning and feel drained in the afternoon.

My youngest nephew, Bryson, wanted me to come with him on the bridge when the boys were playing outside. I couldn't come because I was sitting in the golf cart. I didn't have my wheelchair. It hurt, but it is also motivation. I am going to be able to walk again without any assistance. Everything that I am doing now, every little exercise, every extra step, is making me stronger.

I know that God hasn't brought me this far to leave me. Every day isn't easy. This is just where I have been lately. Maybe it will help someone else to know that. I haven't written anything because I haven't been able to. As Mandisa says in her song, Stronger, 
"The pain ain't gonna last forever
And things can only get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger."

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